0:00
I realize that my purpose in this world and I think hopefully I would suggest all of our purposes in this world is to
0:08
make the burden of living in this world uh less onerous less
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painful to decrease the suffering of others and when we focus on that what
0:23
could be more life affirming what could fundamentally be more important
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to our existence on this
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[Music]
0:50
Earth so thanks for coming Dr Doty um how are you doing how’s your morning going so far just
0:58
peachy that’s great I just want to start by saying you’re very interesting to me so I’m very much
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looking forward to this I don’t know if that’s good or bad
1:09
well we’ll find out I suppose also um in doing research in prep for today I heard
1:15
that um or read that I guess that one of your superpowers is your willingness to speak with anybody so I obviously we’re
1:25
talking that’s what I was going to say hope I don’t make you come to regret it no
1:31
so um I in prepping you know I um read uh your last two books into the magic
1:37
shop and then mind magic and I was struck by two particular
1:42
things one is you really know how to start a book um you know into the magic
1:49
shop well for people who are listening who haven’t read into the magic shop you you drop us right into the middle of a
1:55
brain surgery on a child that you’re doing and you describe I mean it’s very compelling what this the very first
2:02
words we read are what you’re describing what the sound of the flesh ripping away from a skull sounds like I was like I
2:10
went to film school and I spent $80,000 to learn to drop people right into the middle of the action and you know that
2:17
um and then obviously your your more recent book mind magic you start by
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telling the reader truthfully so the universe does not give a [ __ ] about you
2:28
and you go on on and I have to say I have to say Jim
2:33
knowing your friends with the Dalai Lama my first question with that was what does your buddy the dolly Lama think
2:40
about your potty mouth uh actually you know it’s funny you say that because um not so much the
2:49
Dil llama and in fact I know a large number of spiritual and religious leaders and frankly they don’t give a
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[ __ ] uh and what I mean by that is that elevated Spiritual Beings uh that’s not
3:03
their focus whatsoever sort of the Norms of society what they’re interested uh
3:08
when they see a person and they can Intuit it this um in micros seconds is
3:14
does person have a good heart uh what are they motivated by are they judgmental do they accept others uh
3:23
do they care are they compassionate those types of topics are on the minds
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of el ated spiritual leader leaders it’s not whether you say [ __ ] or whatever and
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it’s interesting I had a woman actually text me uh when that book came out and it was
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on LinkedIn and she uh said you know I so loved your first book it was so
3:47
inspiring I shared it with everyone but I have to tell you when I read the first
3:53
lines of your new book I was shocked and appalled and you used the term F or she
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said the f- word you used the FW multiple times in that first chapter I couldn’t go on I could only imagine what
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it would have been like if I had been playing it uh on Audible and my children
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heard it and she goes on and on about this and um I sent her a text back
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actually that said uh to be frank with you I’m shocked and appalled that you would waste so much
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time sending me a text from clearly what is a a
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elitist uh and position about some superiority you think you have when some
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of the smartest most intelligent most thoughtful people I know uh use profanity uh
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frequently and that is in no way a measure in fact uh often times people
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use what one would think as complimentary terms in a context uh
4:54
which is much much worse than the f word in many other words I said you should spend your time focusing on words like
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genocide murder and the profane things not the profane words yes exactly uh uh and then
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I I also said you mentioned your children here I said if your children by the time they’re eight or nine or 10
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years old have not heard the word [ __ ] I don’t know what world you’re living in what rock did she have them buried under
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her yes and and so how are they even living in this world and I said frankly
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I feel sorry for you that you would waste time and not focus your energies
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on being of service to people not trying to tear down people or tell them what
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they should or shouldn’t say in regard to a non-issue but
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anyway I just wanted to get your take on it personally I I’m I’m with you it’s the profane things not the profane
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language and also every language and dialect has profanity for a reason
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sometimes that is the word you need and want and people should be able to use
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them in expressing themselves so yay yeah and like I said as you know I I
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know uh uh many of the uh leading spiritual and religious leaders I’ve
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never and I don’t change how I talk to anybody uh uh and so again it’s just
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such a sad statement that somebody would go down that path but
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the other thing I did want I was wanted to introduce is just when I was
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prepping your life has a couple of very interesting axes in it from what I’ve
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leaned in reading your books and and and prepping um you’ve got sort of a feast
6:49
famine axis you know you were born into poverty and an abusive situation you
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became a neurosurgeon you were CEO of Acura which I don’t think a lot of people necessarily know what that is but
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it does cyber knife and I think everybody’s heard of cyber knife and then you lost
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everything and you seem to be doing okay now so I’m guessing you you you recovered some and then the other so
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you’ve got that Feast famine AIS but then also as a neurosurgeon who started a Compassion
7:20
Center who’s written the books you have you’ve got that brain heart AIS going on
7:25
which is also very interesting so how so I was thinking like gosh would maybe Jim
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should have been a cardiologist how did you choose neurosurgery and and how and and how did
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that evolve into all the heart work all the all the heart energy you have now
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well actually I have a good friend uh named Jonathan fiser who is a cardiologist and actually has written
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about some of these topics but um uh let me just uh comment on a few things um
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when people grow up in challenging backgrounds such as myself
8:07
um frequently um because of that um they do
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not have the wherewithal unfortunately to quote unquote succeed in life as you
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know there’s something called adverse childhood experiences which is a scale whereby you add up where they exposed to
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uh mental illness drug or alcohol abuse poverty violence Etc and the higher that
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number the less likely it is for them to succeed by Western societal standards
8:39
which typically are associated with money power position and it’s very true uh the vast
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vast majority of children who are exposed to these uh traumatic or ongoing
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um instability chaos environments the less likely they are are to
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succeed so one of the first things of course is what changed for me was that I
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walked into a magic shop and um uh there was a lady there who had a
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radiant presence that embraced you in a non-judgmental way and made you feel
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okay made you feel that you were important made you feel that your dignity or presence uh was
9:31
recognized and and uh the reality is giving somebody that gift of
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recognizing them not treating them as if they’re insignificant or
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invisible has a profound profound effect on many people because once
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you denigrate somebody or don’t recognize their dignity or treat them as
9:56
nobody and they accept that then they’re lost uh and it’s very hard uh to
10:03
overcome that but before I get into that story uh let me just comment that often
10:10
times children from background such as my own go in one of two
10:15
directions they either give up and then they uh turn to alcohol or drugs or uh
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they develop mental illness or they become overachievers and of course uh obviously
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I chose the latter path um and then though once you’re on that path there’s
10:37
another bifurcation and that bifurcation is one
10:44
you sit there and say nobody nobody helped me I did it on my own therefore I
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have no obligation nor do I care to help anybody else and of course this is a very
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selfish eye attitude conversely uh which I think is actually
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the correct attitude because nobody succeeds in life without the help of
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others is to have gratitude and appreciation for all the people who
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reached out helped you uh succeed uh promoted you uh and that is through
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compassion kindness acceptance caring love
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and so from my own perspective and perhaps I’m on an
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extreme is I appreciate that reality I cherish that
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reality and I try to practice that and so that is if you will sort of the
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heart-c centered approach that I take uh when I look uh at the world everybody is
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suffering to some degree whether wealth or poor everyone has struggles often
12:03
times the actions people take actually have no reflection on the event at hand
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it has to do with the baggage that uh they carry with them and when you
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understand that and you don’t immediately judge people uh it allows you actually uh to
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see them through a different lens and to appreciate uh that there may be
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something else at hand and not to respond immediately uh to someone’s
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perhaps negativity and this is the idea that Victor Frankl if you will promotes
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uh uh with this idea of uh
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um between uh every um event and a response to the event uh
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there is a pause and within that pause lies your freedom and it’s understanding
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that and learning to emotionally regulate and take the time to reflect
13:09
before you immediately respond and of course if people did that more often there would be few of any conflicts in
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this world but getting back to the story at hand uh so uh in this magic shop it
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turned out we can talk I know let’s Ruth we all know Ruth if we read your
13:31
books yes Ruth um so uh uh Ruth was the
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owner’s mother and she knew nothing about magic which of course was my interest but we began a conversation and
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uh she uh ask a lot of questions and in this particular instance I answered them
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truthfully versus uh hiding my shame and in security by making stuff up or
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lying and from that uh after 20 or 30 minutes she said to me I
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really like you if you come in every day I’m going to be here for the next six weeks I think I could teach you
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something that could really help you and of course I was 12 I was poor I had no
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knowledge but the reality was I had nothing else to do and she was giving me
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chocolate chip cookies so I did show up every day for six weeks and she taught
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me two things uh one uh was what we would Now call A mindfulness
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practice because I did not appreciate that my childhood was one of constant
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trauma uh very similar to what soldiers experience with the uncertainty and Chaos of war and oftentimes it results
14:47
in post-traumatic stress disorder which can be devastating and this is of course is the reason why many children from
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these environments don’t succeed in life uh so the first thing she taught me
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was if you will how to recognize that my muscles were all tense and how to relax
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them and this is commonly now called the body survey and from there she taught me a
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practice to focus in this case uh focusing on a
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candle because if you’re not able to focus it’s hard to be present it’s hard
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to attend and it’s hard to learn if you’re constantly looking around all the time because you never know what’s going
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to happen next and the other uh critical things that she taught
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me uh which although taught in present day mindfulness but not explicitly was
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the concept of self-compassion and not responding to the negative dialogue uh or being
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distracted by it but more importantly giving yourself positive affirmations and then from there
15:56
recognizing that when you’re hypercritical of yourself uh you have a tendency to be
16:02
hypercritical of everyone around you so that was really the first gift she gave
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me and the second gift from which actually the second book arose was this
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concept of visualization or
16:20
manifestation how do you one of the things I was curious about is that manifestation for a lot of people
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who are seeking information on it who are watching YouTube videos getting on the books doing the secret or Law of
16:34
Attraction all that in some ways seems a bit at odd with
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compassion well of course it is you’re [Laughter]
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right okay so how are we going to square this circle where I I mean I will say a
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couple of weeks ago um I had an interview um with a guy Joe gallenberger from the maruan Institute and the thing
17:01
that really came out of that interview is that manifestation starts in the
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heart was what he was saying that you can’t if you don’t have that the love energy a universal love energy has to be
17:13
there so I don’t know how where what your take is on that because I know also
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as neurosurgeon you have have really
17:25
explained in your books about what the where the subconscious mind and brain wiring figures
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into um how you can manifest and what your responses are to
17:36
things well uh I think your statement is correct that if you want to have the
17:42
greatest ability to manifest your intention it must be and you could say
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through the heart but fundamentally what you’re saying is that you activate your
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parasympathetic nervous system uh your rest and digest system uh
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which is associated with openness caring compassion um which is actually our
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natural state of being versus uh activating one’s
18:13
sympathetic nervous system uh our flight fight or freeze response which of course
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uh is a fear response and so in some ways it’s a choice between activating
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the fear response or the love response and what I mean by that is I mentioned
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uh the paths you can take the person who takes the path that says nobody helped
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me I did it myself commonly is the person who
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um is focused on honic happiness and what I mean by that is
18:50
often times many of these individuals carry the insecurity and
18:56
shame uh which they’ve grown up with and so what they try to do is they
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try to become happy uh if you will and I put quotes
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around that by the acquisition of things or doing things so that they will
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get external affirmation that they’re okay and such actions are from
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insecurity and fear and of course honic happing
19:29
is quite transitory and is very shallow and the reality is that it will
19:35
never fill that void of insecurity or shame or fear that one
19:42
carries uh conversely if your actions are out of
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our Natural Evolution as a species and what I mean by that is
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through the lens of Love connection caring uh which activates the
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parasympathetic nervous system then you’re looking through the lens of not me or I but looking through
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the lens of we and when you activate that system
20:18
your cognitive brain networks your peripheral physiology function at their
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best and this is why why in mind magic I
20:31
talk about creating that environment for yourself before you attempt uh to embed
20:38
your intentions into your subconscious so fundamentally what we’re
20:44
talking about is how do we activate this concept of UD demonic
20:51
happiness which fundamentally relates to purpose and meaning in one’s life and
20:58
it’s through that that mechanism because if you focus in towards the us
21:07
or we it doesn’t imply that you don’t get
21:12
other material things if you want them it just implies that that should be
21:18
the lens through which you focus because we have a genetic imperative to
21:24
care now if you look in my book into the magic shop of of course my time with
21:30
Ruth she asked me to make a list of 10 things I wanted well I was 12 years old looking
21:36
through the lens of poverty so I asked uh I want to be a
21:42
doctor and don’t get me wrong it wasn’t because I didn’t care for people but I wanted the external affirmation of
21:49
people looking at me and saying he’s a doctor that means he’s important right
21:55
uh I wanted a mansion I wanted a million dollars which like a lot of money back then uh I wanted a Rolex watch I wanted
22:03
a Porsche and the reality was I did all those practices that Ruth had taught me
22:08
in regard to manifestation or visualization and I did get everything I wanted but here was the
22:16
problem um I climbed Every Mountain to get this external
22:23
affirmation and at the top of Every Mountain after climbing it there was nothing there there for me it was
22:30
Hollow and so here I am in a situation where I’ve made tens and tens of millions of dollars I have a pen housee
22:37
in the top of a building in San Francisco I have a Ferrari a Porsche a Mercedes a BMW a Range Rover in my
22:44
garage I have a mansion overlooking the ocean in Newport Beach I have a villa in
22:50
Florence uh I have a private tailor who makes my clothes I am flying around in
22:56
private jets and dating uh beautiful women and I
23:01
was never more miserable in my entire life and I had all my friends though say
23:08
God this is great you’re amazing dude wow I wish I had that life but it was a
23:14
hollow life and uh it got me nothing except heartache and it was only when I lost
23:22
everything and we can talk about that if you’d like that I understood what I had
23:29
misunderstood or not followed through with in my um time with
23:35
Ruth well you know what I have learned as I’ve gotten older when I’m thinking I
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want something I want to manifest something is that and I’m not saying I’m
23:48
good at this but I have to ask myself the question it’s like what’s the feeling I want to have because it’s usually the feeling you’re after you
23:55
think you’re going to feel a certain way about yourself when you have the multiple houses and are on the jet with
24:02
the hot looking women and then you get there and it’s like if if that’s if the feeling isn’t there then you haven’t
24:08
really manifested what you were looking for so how did it so let’s talk about
24:14
you’re saying that something happened when when the market crashed I guess and you lost everything tell me what that
24:20
day and the following days were like that changed your perspective I guess
24:26
well let me make two comments before uh when we talk about manifesting all of us are manifesting all the time uh but it’s
24:33
like so many other it’s so many other things uh uh it’s like trying to be an elite athlete you don’t become an elite
24:40
athlete overnight you may be able to run around the block but that’s far different than running an
24:46
ultramarathon so one of the things is to recognize what you’re already manifesting because for many people
24:52
every action they take every decision they make every partner they choose is based on baggage that they carry often
24:59
at a subconscious level which is the determinant of the decisions they make so one of the things is if those
25:06
decisions obviously are frequently negative uh you need to gain insight and self-awareness as to why that keeps
25:14
happening uh the second thing is to understand what you were just mentioning is the difference between what you think
25:21
you want and what you actually need and in some ways this relates to the honic
25:27
versus hedonic happiness it’s common certainly to see something as an example
25:35
let’s I’m driving down uh you know the street and the guy pulls up in a a convertible Porsche I go God I really
25:42
want to be in that car uh and then you go you should be thinking been there
25:48
done that that’s what you should be thinking yes but my my my my point is uh
25:54
and I uh yes I’m that is an example not necessarily reality but uh my point is
26:00
though that we all get these urges for things and it’s it’s really uh often uh
26:06
just a brief thing that enters our head it’s like we drive by McDonald’s and
26:12
going God I’d love to have a Big Mac right now right now the sad thing is Big Macs are not that expensive and you can
26:18
just turn into the parking lot and oftentimes uh we do but um yeah it’s
26:24
sort of that sort of feeling but again it’s very transitory and so understanding the difference between
26:31
what you think you want and what you actually need and what most of us need is a sense of belonging a sense of
26:38
purpose a sense of meaning in our lives because that’s what really makes a life
26:43
and so focusing on the other gives us that now having talked on many podcasts
26:50
I’ll get remarks from people they’ll say you know are you uh anti-materialistic
26:56
that’s what it sounds like you mean I I shouldn’t enjoy my success and that’s not what I’m saying at all listen uh we
27:03
were just talking about Porsches listen I I have two uh I live in a multi-million dollar house I uh am very
27:10
very uh privileged uh on an extraordinary level but the difference
27:15
is that one I have immense gratitude but the other is if all of
27:22
those things are gone tomorrow it will have zero impact on how I feel about
27:27
myself and that is the big difference because some people collect these things
27:33
to uh have people look at them and tell them how great they are versus I’m just
27:39
enjoying them and if and I’m enjoying them for the time I have them but if
27:45
they’re gone it’s perfectly fine uh but the other aspect is when you look
27:50
through the different lens of being of service of caring sort of this we perspective actually that creates an
27:58
environment where you can get all of those things if you so choose it’s not
28:03
as a one or another Choice the key difference is though
28:09
understanding that what makes you happy doesn’t come from external
28:15
affirmation it comes from accepting yourself as you are the good parts the
28:22
bad parts if you will the Shadow Self as young Jungians might use the term
28:28
and recognizing that in the face of all of that you deserve love you’re or
28:36
worthwhile human being and uh you’re imperfectly
28:43
perfect that se that self-love nut though is a tough one to
28:49
crack what um but let let me back up for a second so we I I did want to talk
28:54
about when you lost everything you know I don’t know if in some way way you consider that you manifested losing
29:01
everything because you were so miserable seems like it was a thing that worked out for you in terms of changing your
29:08
perspective so when what were what happened you you know that you were part
29:14
of the stock market crash I’m sorry this was the 2002 crash yes the the 200 crash
29:19
the dot com crash yes the.com crash so um you know I’m guessing you it’s a it’s it was
29:27
quick and fast news like a blow for a lot a lot of people because when the market goes it’s it happens it starts to
29:33
happen and it really just happens over a couple of days what was what were those days like for you and how did you you
29:41
know shift your perspective first I’m sure you had a shock experience then well yeah well again one
29:49
of the things I learned is to not have too much attachment we can talk about that later but uh uh of course it was a
29:56
blow here you know nomal I’m worth $80 million or so with potential to be worth a lot more
30:05
uh I borrowed $15 million from a bank because at that time if you had stock
30:10
that was publicly traded even though you had a lockout agreement for a period of time it was always anticipated that will
30:15
end and you’ll be able to pay back the money and clearly uh that was not the
30:20
case uh that 80 million went down to a few hundred, in about six weeks and of
30:27
course there was no way I could pay back that money without liquidating
30:32
everything uh and so I just want to Jim I’m sorry to interrupt but what I did want to ask is like that when something
30:39
like that happens there’s your self-perception but you’re the one who also has to speak to
30:46
everyone in your life who looks to you to be a certain way and have certain things I would
30:53
suppose and support in a certain way that is the part that to me seems
30:58
that that it goes right to your identity in a way of like who am I now well but that’s and and and that is
31:06
in some ways what happened I had maybe identity crisis is the right word but uh
31:13
um because again if you’re chasing things for external affirmation and you lose those things and you identify with
31:19
that as you of course now you’re nothing uh so what I tell people is
31:26
during that time frame uh two people became my best friends one was the banker and one was my lawyer who I had
31:32
to deal with to unwind a lot of things now the interesting aspect because I
31:38
ended up going down to my home in Newport Beach this Mansion overlooking the ocean which was now partially empty
31:45
was I went through a period of reflection there and and sort of trying to understand what the hell happened and
31:52
uh as part of that reflection it was I realized that I was self-focused and not
31:57
uh focused on actually what Ruth had told me and uh and that actually sort of
32:04
was a profound uh insight and the other thing after uh
32:09
realizing that was that in a conversation with my attorneys it turned out that they had actually not filed the
32:16
final paperwork for the transfer of all this stock I had in a company that had
32:21
yet to go public which I had been the CEO of and which I had created this trust frankly for tax avoidance purposes
32:29
not necessarily to be uh the greatest guy in the world although obviously uh
32:36
what I was donating to would help people uh so it turned out I could have
32:42
kept all of that stock and I wouldn’t have been broke at all that company was going to go public and after this period
32:48
of reflection though and trying to understand I decided to go ahead and give uh every bit of that stock away to
32:55
charity still in the face of this now I talked to all of my friends advisers and
33:02
actually the woman who I was dating at the time who became my wife and every one of them said do not do
33:11
that do you think it had to do something with the fact that you we also have our own you know you’re you you have your
33:17
own rules about how you can recover and how you can live with yourself and I’m
33:23
guessing you had to honor that rule you knew would be finished if you didn’t listen to that voice or that part
33:30
of your brain that said no I have I will honor this because this is who I am and
33:37
I already I don’t want to speak for you you finished I’m sorry no no I no no you
33:42
can speak for me uh no I I mean on some level you’re correct I I mean I had this
33:48
woman Ruth had changed my life she’ given me these tools and I had not
33:54
understood what she told me at that point in time so in some ways
34:01
giving it all away honored her
34:07
and it also in some ways honored me uh so the reality of courses as you
34:14
point out I had a really a truly rags to Rich story in terms of uh
34:22
finances but I also had a a rags to Rich a story because of what I did but it was
34:28
not related to finances one was through the lens of financial
34:39
poverty the second part though is through the Lynch of spiritual
34:45
poverty and what I mean by that was or is that I was very
34:53
self-focused and when I gave everything away it changed everything and what I
34:59
mean is that it allowed me actually to create the center that I founded at Stanford that focuses on compassion the
35:06
Neuroscience of compassion it reentered me that reentering then allowed me to
35:14
meet with the doly Llama who at that point when I started
35:19
the center gave me the largest donation he had ever given to a non-tibetan cause
35:25
and this is in our very first meeting it allowed me to develop a relationship
35:30
with him and become the chairman of the Dalai Lama foundation for many years it
35:36
allowed me to meet Archbishop tutu it allowed me to meet uh tikn Han it
35:41
allowed me to meet Pope Francis Shri Shri Ravi Shankar sad Eckert Tolle
35:47
Byron Katy Rodas Swami and who how many
35:55
people have the opportunity to meet some of the leading
36:01
spiritual and religious leaders and become friends with them or advisors or
36:06
spend time with them or to uh absorb their wisdom and that
36:14
ultimately is the true success story that is the rags to riches Second
36:21
Story and uh as a result of that my perspective
36:26
changed and I realize that my purpose in this world and I think hopefully I would
36:32
suggest all of our purposes in this world is to make the burden of living in
36:38
this world uh less honorous less painful to decrease the suffering of
36:46
others and when we focus on that what could be more life affirming what could
36:54
fundamentally be more important to our existence on this Earth because
37:01
this allows you to become a fully actualized human being sadly you see
37:08
people who have been brainwashed by The Narrative of Western capitalist society
37:14
which is one of conspicuous consumption ever increasing spending as if by doing
37:20
so that is going to help you uh in terms
37:26
of living a life uh of worth all it does is deme you and and so the sad thing is
37:35
you have people who come to this country from uh third world countries where some of the greatest wisdom Traditions have
37:42
developed and they give that away to live in a society that does not value that uh
37:51
whatsoever and they’re they’re unhappy because the uh the streets are not paved
37:57
with old it’s as harsh or more harsh often uh for many of those people the
38:04
other side of the coin is you see people who’ve had extraordinary uh quote unquote
38:11
success and they have access to everything everything they can do
38:17
anything and they’re unhappy and they’re bored and they don’t become more
38:23
generous when they have more things they become more selfish they become less kind because in their
38:31
view everybody is replaceable everybody uh uh is only
38:38
worth anything to me in the context of what they get from them and sadly they
38:44
create a um Echo chamber by hanging around with the same unhappy diseased
38:51
people who are spreading this narrative and who only make themselves more
38:57
unhappy Happy by not caring yeah well it is the illusion I
39:03
guess of being in a physical body where everything looks real and it looks like
39:08
this is this is it right exactly I I I discussed this with other people
39:13
recently just the the problem of being incarnate where just from the start you
39:19
are in a body that is needy like it needs to be within a temperature range
39:25
of about 10 degrees and it needs to eat and it needs to be rested and it makes you a hungry spirit in some in some ways
39:33
um I did want to talk follow up though on you know giving away Contin you know honoring your your stock
39:39
pledge there’s um you write about the fact that the um reward centers in the brain light up when you give things away
39:47
when you’re generous that way um I don’t think people about that well uh the
39:53
reality is that and this goes back to our Evolution as a species is that
39:59
unlike other species our species require us to be cared for uh for at least a
40:05
decade or a decade and a half which uh is a huge requirement in regard to time
40:12
and resources well why would you do that uh especially as I said there are many
40:18
species they just run off into the forest or the jungle and they do just fine the reason is that our
40:25
Evolution has created a genetic imperative for us to expend that time
40:31
and resources because when we do so we’re rewarded and we’re rewarded by the
40:36
lease the release of various neurotransmitters and many people uh are familiar with oxytocin or the love
40:43
hormone or the affiliation hormone or the caring hormone and when that is
40:50
activated uh your pleasure and reward centers are stimulated you feel good when you care and of course
40:58
uh this evolved not only in regard to the nuclear family but uh in regard to
41:04
the tribal system that also kept us alive uh we survived for uh millions of
41:11
years and groups of 50 to 150 to live in a harsh environment and in that
41:18
environment we were attuned to the suffering of others the needs of others because without them the tribe could not
41:25
survive and so we have a deep deep caring
41:31
Instinct that motivates us makes us feel good and actually um as I mentioned
41:39
earlier uh allows our brain cognitive networks to function at their best our peripheral physiology to function at its
41:46
best and it’s even associated with an increase in longevity so this is how
41:51
we’re meant to live in ancient times these events that cause threat were
41:57
quite temporary and uh and were not that frequent uh unfortunately the nature of
42:04
modern society unlike in ancient times where you grew up in a village or a
42:10
tribe people knew you from birth to death the tribe was your family it
42:17
protected you it encouraged you it corrected you and in the face of all of
42:23
that you still felt good about yourself you felt that you were an environment where people loved you and this is why
42:30
the work of Dan Butner with the blue zones or you look at the uh Harvard study that’s now led by Robert waldinger
42:38
which has been going on for 85 years is the reality that you function best or
42:45
what allows you to live the longest is caring for others having deep relationships and in modern society we
42:52
don’t have that we don’t have our relatives frequently uh close to us which certainly not living with them in most
42:59
cases uh by the nature of how people move around for jobs you don’t have friends
43:06
everywhere and as a result uh also magnified by social media uh you’re
43:12
highly judgmental you’re insecure you’re afraid and of course this chronically activates
43:19
our stress response or sympathetic nervous system and which actually is not
43:25
healthy uh for us and so if you wish to manifest uh the best way to do it and
43:32
the to increase the likely of it likelihood of you manifesting your intentions is to be in a relaxed calm
43:41
State and you embed your intention into your
43:47
subconscious through our sensory organs which actually creates our identity if
43:52
you will we have about 6 to 10 million bits of information
43:58
incoming every second but we’re only able to process 50 to 100 at a conscious level when you focus your
44:06
attention on your goal to manifest and
44:11
you consciously embed that into your subconscious and the way you do that is
44:17
use your sensory organs as well as an example you use your Tactical respon you
44:23
write your intention down or your goal you uh read it silently using your eyes
44:30
you read it aloud so you hear it you visualize it in your mind the more you
44:36
do that the more likely it is going to be embedded into your
44:42
subconscious and this is why as a child I would literally do this
44:47
practice probably well over hundred times a day over and over again because
44:52
we know that habit formation or the creation of neurop
44:58
Pathways is through repetition what fires together wires together has been
45:06
said yes yes yes and so once you’re able to do that this
45:12
activates and this is associated with mind wondering or daydreaming our default mode
45:18
Network which is associated with uh self- reference or the creation of a
45:24
narrative about who we are and then then once that is embedded there this
45:29
activates our task positive Network which associ is associated with three
45:36
cognitive brain networks your salience network your attension network and your
45:42
executive control Network or it can be called the uh Central executive network but uh once those are activated this is
45:50
where the magic happens something has to become Salient
45:56
to you it some has to become important to you if it is going to
46:01
manifest once something is important to you then your attention network is
46:08
activated meaning that now you have to allocate cognitive resources to keep
46:14
your quote unquote eyes open to anything in your environment that may allow that
46:20
intention to manifest and it’s the goal of the conscious mind to take that information
46:26
from the subconscious and act upon it as an example I’m sure you’ve been to a
46:33
party that’s noisy yet if somebody says your name you turn to it even though
46:39
nobody else heard it well the reason is is because your identity obviously has
46:44
been deeply embedded into you and you’re always attuned uh to that because it could have
46:51
an effect on you conversely uh in situations
46:57
where you we frequently use the term synchronicity or coincidence this is because your
47:04
subconscious has been turned on and is always looking for situations that might
47:11
allow your intention to manifest as an example a few months ago I was at a coffee shop and there’s a project I’ve
47:19
been working on which frankly is fairly obscure yet above the den of the coffee
47:24
shop I hear two people using terminology associated with that
47:29
project well that’s because I was subconsciously had to tune myself to be
47:34
on alert for that this resulted in me getting up introducing myself becoming friends with these individuals and now
47:41
we’re working together that is an example of manifesting and so this is available to
47:48
all of us and sometimes yes you uh can manifest you may not be in the right
47:55
mindset what I’m saying here is not that if you’re not in the right mindset nothing manifests what I am saying is if
48:02
you want to have the greatest likelihood of something to manifest it’s by using
48:07
the principles that I outlined uh in the book and it’s also not a statement that
48:14
everything you wish to manifest is going to manifest frankly your subconscious
48:19
May prevent something from manifesting because it has sometimes more knowledge than you about what’s good for you also
48:26
so it doesn’t manifest exactly the same way you may visualize or in the same
48:32
time frame you want it to manifest I mean there things that I’m still manifesting and they’ve been going on
48:38
between five and 15 years but there is something that I think is important
48:44
which is this concept of dispositional optimism and what I mean by that is that
48:51
you regardless of whether it’s happens in the time frame you want you have a deep SE
48:57
belief in the possibility that will in fact manifest yes you touched on something
49:04
that I think is very important though that just there’s this Edge where of
49:12
possibility you can manifest probably more than you’ve thought you could manifest if you work on it but you can’t
49:18
manifest everything um I I think there there’s a little bit of Shame for some
49:24
people when they’ve been working at whatever they want to manifest and it doesn’t happen there’s it’s like a
49:31
spiral and again I mean there’s a lot of um since the secret and Law of Attraction and so many people out there
49:38
there are more people who are attuned to what they can what’s possible for them
49:43
what they can do but I’m I’m just glad you kind of put that out there that not everything is possible and it could be
49:49
your subconscious mind knows better it could be something else sort of in the quantum foam of the world that we don’t
49:55
quite understand that’s but having the dispositional op optimism to understand you that that
50:01
might be in your best interest exactly and I think that this gets back to a critical point uh uh unfortunately
50:09
as you well know there are people who become quote unquote social media influencers who promote this idea of
50:15
Attraction using woooo and pseudo science The Law of Attraction and what it does for many people is as an example
50:22
that go I want a Ferrari I need to have that Ferrari I’m going to get that Ferrari there’s never mention about what
50:29
the purpose of getting that Ferrari is right it’s I just want it and this is
50:35
the fundamental flaw and when that manifestation fails then of course as
50:40
you were pointing out there’s a guilt that oh there’s something wrong with me or I didn’t do it the right way no
50:46
that’s the fundamental fault of this uh woooo of manifestation and again if you focus and
50:54
I give several examples in the book on the me that rapidly decreases the
50:59
likelihood of you getting what you want as an example versus saying you know I I
51:05
love Italian sports cars they’re you know they’re incredible uh I’m hoping and I really
51:12
want to happen that I become a doctor and by helping people I will be able to
51:18
enjoy having a a feri which will make me sort of happy at the moment
51:23
understanding it’s transitory but I I enjoy that but the goal is really I just want to be a doctor and have the ability
51:30
to choose maybe getting that Ferrari completely different narratives
51:35
completely different ways to activate uh this uh manifestation of
51:41
one’s uh intention just to also mention something else I think is
51:47
important some people focus on extraordinarily difficult goals and
51:52
there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever the question though is to
51:57
understand what is driving you to Crave or desire uh that goal and if you
52:07
sacrifice every relationship everything that’s important in your life to get to the top of that mountain and you’re
52:14
standing there alone what is it that you’ve really accomplished it’s a pirate
52:20
Victory right uh you got nothing even though you sacrifice so much so I think
52:25
the other as aspect is to have some degree of self-awareness about what’s really
52:31
important and this concept of balance if it cost you every relationship which is
52:38
what makes us human to attain a goal then you have done nothing other than to
52:44
make your life unhappy at the end end of the day yeah it’s interesting um a good
52:51
portion of the journeying Soul podcast is about speaking with people are grief counselors and death duelas
52:59
because that idea to so many people who are who are looking for
53:04
stuff that it all ends so it’s not the the identity you’re playing with here is
53:11
not the whole shebang and and uh that that knowledge should
53:19
inform I would hope your manifestations that it’s something to play with like you know you get the Ferrari it’s part
53:25
of having Human Experience you are here to have that Human Experience and some of that Human Experience could be
53:31
driving that nice Italian car but it’s not the whole purpose for you being here
53:36
it’s not it’s not going to be the meaning of your life whenever this one ends so um that’s just me preaching I
53:44
guess for no reason well you can preach for no reason but but conversely I I
53:50
would say that e uh I’m an atheist I have no belief in anything beyond the
53:55
present moment moment and that’s okay too I know that by being of service by
54:01
caring it makes me feel good that’s all I need and uh the reality is you have
54:07
these people chase after wealth they die and uh it’s always fascinating to see
54:14
the cinti millionaires in the billionaire class now running after longevity and it’s it’s a joke I mean uh
54:23
uh first of all to be bluntly Frank with you who gives a [ __ ] whether this Elite
54:29
self-absorbed group of people live longer than uh the normal lifespan because many of them are just twits
54:36
they’re doing nothing to improve Society uh so what is their purpose in this world other than to continue being
54:42
a dick um so I think that uh is my take on some of
54:49
this I’m hoping the donors at Stamford I’m thinking some of those people give my to Stanford
54:56
well uh look if they want if they want to if they want to judge me that’s fine but the reality is if that’s their
55:03
mindset they’re not going to give it to me anyway no no no I know but I’m just but you’re but you’re right I mean I’ve
55:09
had people get really mad at me because I call them to their face what they are uh you actually travel in the circles of
55:16
the people who are like that you know so that’s what I’m saying they almost love you cocktail party I well here’s the
55:24
thing the secret I’m glad you’re in the room though yeah I’m glad you’re there
55:29
the secret is I don’t give a [ __ ] I you know they don’t need to like
55:35
me or dislike me I’m who I am I don’t you know talk behind their back and uh
55:42
uh it is what it is and if you don’t like it don’t like me that’s okay I I’ll
55:48
uh uh I’ll survive I have to say I I
55:54
well I’m with you only because there’s a part of life as I get older and you know I’ve had medical issues where it’s like
56:02
what would I want to do with 100 more years it’s like it’s okay um to have
56:08
experienced what you experience and then have that that end
56:13
but that’s exactly right it’s uh uh what what is the purpose now it I could argue
56:19
I mean yes you know I’d like to live another 60 years so that I can distribute my wealth and make the life
56:25
of many people in this World better hey dude I’m all for you m I think that’s a great uh
56:33
but yeah you and I were supposed to uh speak a couple of weeks ago but you were
56:40
in Riad for an AI conference this I have to ask you about because when we’re
56:46
talking about um where we’re putting our attention and how to rewire our
56:51
subconscious Silicon Valley and the people working on AI have already figured out pretty well how to move
56:59
people’s attention and it doesn’t seem to be in a area towards compassion and Bon on me so um what were
57:08
you what did what happened at the conference what were you doing at the conference did they listen to anything you
57:13
said well uh first of all I mean I think there is a subset of people who are interested in doing the right thing
57:19
relative to Ai and AI is not going to go away unfortunately in our culture here
57:25
in Valley often times unlike in the days of huet and Packard who were building
57:31
things to be of service and to help uh we have a narrative now which is
57:38
how can I maximize profit and whether that results in me going to the most Bas
57:44
level to do so uh that’s okay and and it’s sort of
57:49
surprising that uh and uh they haven’t uh completely embraced porn although I
57:55
bet you there a lot of venture capitalist who are secretly doing that because that’s highly profitable but and
58:00
that’s usually how the media has evolved I mean I come from the industry that’s how the VHS industry took off so and
58:07
then DVD exactly I mean they have the greatest uh technology to promote porn whether it’s
58:14
compressing videos or uh actually uh sales tactics etc etc but getting back
58:20
to your query the reason I was in Riad for was for an AI conference because for
58:27
the last two and a half years I have been actually creating a AI
58:32
based mental health app to help people uh who are affected by living in the
58:39
modern world uh which results in stress anxiety loneliness and depression so
58:46
what I have done is created a and I say I a team of people but I’ll take all the
58:52
credit uh a team of people does it have your name on it uh no uh uh but it’s called happy
59:00
hai. a so the happy word now has AI in it so
59:06
hai. a but uh what it does is it has an emotion assessment engine you using
59:12
sentiment analysis voice analysis facial analysis to constantly determine your
59:17
emotional state and it’s combined with a uh proprietary conversational AI
59:23
knowledge base of compassion Focus therapy cognitive behavioral therapy and
59:29
psychology which is then connected to a humanlike avatar and the advantage of
59:34
this is one a therapy is not available to everyone for a variety of reasons one
59:40
the number of therapists two the cost and the third is uh that you can’t get a
59:47
hold of a therapist after 5:00 p.m or on the weekend yet most of us who have
59:52
Stress and Anxiety it occurs after hours when we’re not uh distracted uh so by having a
1:00:01
avatar that is humanlike that you can talk to that’s non-judgmental that’s
1:00:07
supportive that is compassionate that is an empathic listener this is what most people need
1:00:14
they don’t need therapy they need somebody simply to listen to them and surveys have shown because of the
1:00:20
Judgment issue that they many people prefer not to talk to a human being
1:00:26
and whether we like it or not and we’re talking about subconscious versus conscious even though on a
1:00:33
conscious level you know it’s an avatar and it’s not real on a subconscious level you cannot help but to have an
1:00:40
emotional connection to it and so by being able to speak with an avatar
1:00:46
247 and just have a conversation uh but also it can offer
1:00:52
you guided meditations breathing exercises yoga and all sorts of other
1:00:59
things uh it’s very helpful for people we did a study and it showed that 70% of
1:01:05
people out of a one to five scale uh using a a minimum of 10 minutes a day
1:01:11
for one week had a two-level Improvement in all of those categories uh which is
1:01:17
quite profound and it’s fairly sticky which is one of the uh problems with a
1:01:23
lot of these different apps so I’m hopeful uh that that will have an impact uh here
1:01:29
in the future but that’s what I was talking about uh at the AI conference as
1:01:34
well as uh how to rethink how
1:01:40
universities um are designed in regard to utilizing AI to improve the lives of
1:01:50
students did you have a a decent reception for those ideas yeah of course
1:01:57
uh there’s a lot whether it’s and there were 30,000 people there I mean it’s a lot of people uh but uh
1:02:04
um listen I think everyone uh recognizes that there’s an epidemic of stress
1:02:10
anxiety depression loneliness of course we’ve had the US Surgeon General and the California Surgeon General speak about
1:02:16
this uh and we’re looking for tools to how to deal with it I’ve mentioned to
1:02:22
why this is the case uh and so um I think that um it can have a
1:02:31
profound uh uh uh impact and the thing is what’s interesting is that it’s able
1:02:38
to seamlessly speak in a variety of different languages and you can create
1:02:44
avatars that resonate with you whether it’s on the basis of culture uh religion
1:02:50
appearance sexuality uh whatever you want so here you have this Unlimited
1:02:56
ability to find a avatar that you feel comfortable with and this is one of the
1:03:02
problems too with a therapist I mean you end up spending so much time uh and
1:03:09
listen I’ve been through therapy multiple times myself over many years but you know you may pick somebody and
1:03:15
go God that’s not the right person they don’t resonate with me then you have to start over with somebody else then you have to start over with somebody else
1:03:21
versus in this way you can pick a person who’s younger older uh firm in terms of
1:03:29
their response versus more sympathetic etc etc now we haven’t created all of
1:03:35
these yet but ultimately that’s the goal is to give people the ability uh to
1:03:40
choose something that resonates with them because as you know uh walking into a room if you have
1:03:48
somebody like Ruth who’s open and engaging versus a person who for whatever reason you don’t have a
1:03:54
connection to it makes a huge difference in terms of how you respond to somebody
1:04:00
yeah I’m going to hit you with the last questions the lightning round of questions what does a well-lived life
1:04:06
look like to you well I think it’s pretty simple and uh look everybody in this world is not
1:04:13
meant to be a Albert Einstein or Mother Teresa or whatever icon uh you wish
1:04:20
Archbishop 22 Tik Nan Etc if you can live life that within
1:04:27
your environment whether it’s with your family people close to you your
1:04:32
community and you’ve lived a life where you have been helpful to others looked
1:04:37
out for others then that is a well-lived
1:04:44
life what do you suspect is the true nature of reality if you have any
1:04:50
suspicions well uh I think the true nature of reality is
1:04:56
uh love uh and if you look at how every
1:05:03
aspect of life uh response it’s when the environment is
1:05:09
created uh which is always associated with um uh caring connecting and whether
1:05:17
that and that goes through all aspects uh of life now obviously it invol evolves in different ways but you know
1:05:24
you look at uh some of the interactions of animals uh and they’re just profound
1:05:29
where another cares for another and sometimes even not the same
1:05:35
species so while we may think love is only related to the human species it
1:05:41
goes deep deep deep deep deep in addition to what we were
1:05:47
discussing about rewiring your brain how should people take care to be
1:05:52
connected to their heart well we go into we could go into a long
1:05:59
discussion about that you got another hour for this wrapup question yeah exactly uh well I think that um one it’s
1:06:07
hard to stay connected with your heart where you’re fearful and stressed so creating a practice such as a meditation
1:06:14
practice a mindfulness practice that helps you deal with that stress and deal with the negative self- talk I think is
1:06:21
important uh the practice that I personally do every day is that I wake
1:06:26
up and I sit by the side of my bed I do a breathing exercises which I’m sure many of your listeners know will put you
1:06:33
into the right mindset because the very nature of that breathing exercise has shifts you into stimulation of your
1:06:39
parasympathetic nervous system so it calms you down then I think of the joy
1:06:45
and awe of being in this world and then I go through 10 letters of the
1:06:50
alphabet and the reason I mentioned this is I was asked to speak at The Graduate
1:06:55
ation or excuse me at the um white coat ceremony of an incoming group of medical
1:07:01
students at actually my medical school and I wanted to give them something that
1:07:07
they could use uh to Center themselves and of course medical students have to learn a
1:07:12
lot of information so I put in the context of a pneumonic which was 10 letters of the alphabet and so that’s
1:07:19
what I go through every day uh which is C uh compassion for self and others D
1:07:26
recognizing the Dignity of every person e practicing equinity or evenness of
1:07:33
temperament or as we’re talking about with Victor Frankle uh uh the
1:07:39
pause f is forgiveness G is
1:07:44
gratitude H which is very hard for a neurosurgeon humility uh I uh Integrity or values
1:07:53
that b bound your behavior here uh J is Justice and I mean that in the context
1:07:59
of our responsibility for caring for those who are vulnerable uh K is kindness just simply
1:08:08
uh caring for others regardless of whether they’re suffering and all of this is uh contained by love that is my
1:08:19
practice um I you’re an atheist but I’m going to ask anyway is there anything in
1:08:25
particular I I I’m I am also I am not I was raised Catholic I’m no longer Catholic but um so we all have our path
1:08:33
is there anything that you hope to find when you die that’s why I preface that
1:08:39
uh it doesn’t matter first of all I won’t be there in
1:08:46
the sense that I I’m not going to remember it if there something does happen at least there’s no evidence to that to date that anyone has come back
1:08:53
and told us how great the afterlife is is um and uh uh who cares uh I’m living
1:09:00
this life and doing the best I can uh anything after the fact uh that’s a
1:09:06
different conversation and it’s one which you and I will not be present for
1:09:11
there may be some particles of Stardust that may be having that interaction but
1:09:17
you and I won’t be having that interaction and we’ve mentioned happy AI you have a Compassion Center where
1:09:24
can people find you they can find your books on Amazon so I’ll just put that there where else can they find like The
1:09:30
Compassion Center and what else you’re working on sure uh well first of all I would say don’t use Amazon use
1:09:36
bookshop.org which promotes independent book sellers uh or go to the library so
1:09:42
you don’t have to spend any money uh the next thing is you can find the work I do at Stanford at the center for compassion
1:09:49
and alism research and education that’s secare CC a re.
1:09:57
stanford.edu and you can find uh sort of my work bundle up at jamesr
1:10:04
dod.com uh so there you have more information about me than probably Wish
1:10:11
You Wish You Ever Had uh so uh I appreciate your time and uh it’s a
1:10:17
pleasure to be with you thank you and thank you for your superpower of being willing to speak to anyone I feel very
1:10:23
grateful as beneficiary today well I you know I would just comment let me make
1:10:29
two comments one is some of the greatest knowledge and wisdom I’ve received are
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from people who are from the most humble of circumstance so never discount anyone
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or the knowledge you can get from somebody because it’s not necessarily about book
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learning the other is that each and every one of us regardless of our
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circumstance has the ability to improve the life of at least one other person and whether that’s by
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saying hello by giving somebody a hug by sharing a meal with somebody we each
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have that and if you do that your day is going to be better thanks for watching click to join
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us on another journey and don’t forget to subscribe
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