you really understand the people who love you when things like this happen
right you I have found what I consider a new friend uh
friends that who just they just are a
new part of my life and I recognize they become what I’ve always been looking for
right it’s all the other stuff in a way is fake and you realize oh I don’t want
to be a part of that anymore life isn’t easy I mentioned that quote which is Bruce Lee said it which is you know
don’t don’t pray for an easy life but pray for the strength to endure a difficult
one I’d like to welcome to the show author of what’s good about today Chris
Cochran but I wanted to start and we will talk about your book what’s good about today but I wanted to start if we
could with your experiences of afterdeath communication because you had a couple that you describe in the book
and I don’t know if you’ve had any since um publishing the book but um what happened if you can describe I
talk about this in the book but uh no I have not had experiences afterwards um
with Christian this happened about two weeks after uh
Christian had passed away now I’ve had other instances where you know prior to that about a week after Christian passed
I had made my way down to the mailbox the mail person was coming down and as I reached to grab the mail from her a
beautiful butterfly out of nowhere which by the way we don’t get butterflies around here I don’t know where it came from beautiful blue butterfly big landed
on my hand stayed there for about 10 seconds uh I thought I was scaming I
looked at the mail carrier and asked if they were seeing what I was seeing if I was just imagining it and they said nope
you absolutely are and the Butterfly sat there for 10 seconds and just disappeared and you know things happened
and it just happened and I thought it was unusual but uh two weeks
afterwards I was in my bed sleeping uh but I was sort of in this weird
Consciousness it was not what I would call sleeping uh I was not awake but I
was transported to the basement of a home and I remember I I have such vivid
memories of this as I don’t have vivid memories of any other things that go on in my dreams you know we dream all the
time people have things that happened but I couldn’t make sense of lots of things this in particular was in a
basement I was it was Stone Old Stone like uh like it had just been built
looking outside lots of greenery lots of brightness I said oh my Lord I’m I’m in the wrong
home whose house am I in here and as soon as I said that I got transported back up into the foyer of this home and
it was a small foyer you know small tiles gray tiling I was looking forward
I could see the door it was a brown door it had those 19 it was like a 1970s door
like step laddered uh view outside and I immediately turned and I
turned I saw my son he was probably 10 ft away from me he was sitting by the
fireplace he was in full curried hair he’s a beautiful boy if you’ve seen a picture of him and he had this smile and
grin as if he had kept his promise to me now I must remind your listeners that
weeks uh prior to Christian’s passing we had conversations and I asked Christ
Christian to make a promise to me and he said anything Dad I said do you promise to come back and visit me and he and he
said absolutely dad I promise I’ll come and visit you I said no I I really need you to Christian because it’s this is
going to be rough for us and I he said no worries dad I will be back so going to that that moment I saw Christian of
course I was excited I wanted to run to him but before I could run to him he was right in my face and I hugged him and I
could smell Christian I could feel Christian he was um he told me Dad I
don’t want you and Mom to worry about things I’m okay I need you to give Mom a message and let her know that I’m okay
and you guys need to move on and I also remember there was a lot of activity in
this place there were two people in chairs they were shadowy they had turned their chairs they were like Comfort
chairs uh everything was bright illuminated uh in the background there are people mlly about all shadowed um it
was almost like a step up into a kitchen area it’s so very Vivid it’s it’s again then
I dissipated you know I I could I didn’t read Christian’s lips we were just talking and I fell back into my myself
and I knew I had been somewhere so I sat there for about an hour just trying to put heads and tails
of what just happened to me that I’d been taken somewhere and I woke my wife up and I
said I told her what had happened the experience and she said Chris you’re not going to believe us but the last night
before we went to bed I went outside and prayed and said you know Christian you’ve got to come back to us we’re in
bad shape here we need your help and I didn’t know that um but he certainly came to me that night he fulfilled his
promise um and and I haven’t seen him since but it was a it was incredbly
real and uh unless I I felt like Christian had been given this
opportunity he had been blessed and I could see it because he’s got that way he could ask for things and get it to to
invite me in for a moment in time and I feel I was taken into a moment of time in the afterlife for sure I was there
yeah yeah you know a lot of people in grief you know want a lot of PE have have dreams and they and they’re very
Vivid and very different it has that feeling um and a lot of people want them
and not everybody gets them but quite a few people do I did want to ask you something specific and this is specific
to me um when you had when you said in the dream Christian kind of was all of a sudden
right next to you like he was there and then was that very quick and the reason I ask is because I had my sister died um
11 years ago um I had two dreams from her um one was I think I don’t know if
it was eight months after she died or six months after and then there was another one is a bit later but in the
second one of the the second dream I had I saw her in the this crowded Lobby the dream was like in this Lobby and I saw
her across the room and I called her and the next thing I knew boom she was right in my face like the speed of kab was it
like that exactly like that Reas you’re the first person I’ve talked to that had that described something like that
that’s why I wanted to bring it up because I saw her called her and Kaboom she was there and you made it sound like
that’s what happened with Christian so absolutely yeah it was I didn’t see feet running I didn’t see any of that it was
as as if he knew I needed to get to him but that maybe that wasn’t possible that
he needed to get to me very quick it was a boom move very visceral just right there so yeah interesting um any and and
I just want to tou you has anybody else in your family your son your daughter your wife anybody else had any
experiences or are you kind of the the main Communicator yeah I I think I am
the communicator I think that for whatever reason we don’t know these reasons and sure find out one day but
for whatever reason I’m the conduit to this discussion and it seems to be that
case my wife unfortunately has not she’s asked for it I just don’t think she you know obviously this happened three years
ago there’s still tremendous pain and grief and still for myself but for
whatever reason Christian knew he could get through to me and made that promise to me a few weeks prior to his passing
yes and three years is still kind of for for such a major loss yet it is it’s it’s still it’s still I don’t want to
say it’s not newish but it’s not as settled as it becomes or as peaceful as
it becomes or yeah however you work at your relationship again so you’re you’re able to live with it it it’s yeah so I
want to talk a little bit prior to Christian passing so he was ill for you
it was unfortunately a very short illness like he was just sick for that year you got the diagnosis and it all
moved kind of quickly um what had what has his illness taught you about loss
that you didn’t know before if you can put your mind back to who you were before compared to who you are
now yeah well there’s two sides to me right there’s a precancer Chris and
after cancer Chris um in the disease I don’t recognize that guy before I think
like lots of people we live day to we’re we’re trying to keep up with the Joneses and keep moving our life forward to uh
achieve our goals whether that’s money cars whatever that may be and I think
that I was on that same train right my life was perfect my life my kids are fantastic I had a great wife high school
sweetheart been together for a long time you know and I’m running businesses on the CEO of company and um but you don’t
nothing you have your normal ups and downs but when this hit yeah it changed
me and the family completely Christian and all of us and you become a different person and
certainly after his passing you become even a more different person and how you perceive life and how you look at things
and so yeah I I have a very different way of looking at other humans too right
I when I go out and this is I do this all the time I when I’m out I look at
people I I see Souls I never looked at people as Souls per se I mean I’m a churchgoing guy I
just but I genuinely look at individuals at their souls and what their life is like and what are their challenges and
what do they go through that’s a real life that’s someone who’s been given this extraordinary uh gift that we all
have been given and so I just I look at the world a very different way than I
think the average person especially when you lose a child like that I mean everybody deals with grief it’s an
everybody deals with it it’s it’s what we all but losing a child a whole different set of
circumstances and um but definitely I’m a I’m a different person in how I perceive things fully yeah yeah and and
your perception of the world I’m guessing that’s you know you said you see people as Souls is there any other
change and how you look at people yeah I don’t take life too seriously like I
used to um but in terms of people uh you know we’re all on a journey this is a
journey for everybody and uh you can use any you I’m sure you’ve seen all and people have seen or
read what is this is this like Camp is this uh we’re on school here to to the
next level I mean you know there you a million different things that people talk about I don’t really know fully um
you know but based on my experiences and looking at the world and having those interactions with Christian Learning his
lessons and how he put it out to the world I do know there’s another place that we all go to I am fully convinced
that because I was there it’s as real as me talking to you here so you know I
have a a perspective that you know everybody’s on this unique Journey uh to
find whatever their way is and uh so um but I’m always trying to tap into that
that’s why I try to encourage people to connect with others because the more we connect with people we learn much like
you and I are connecting here today yeah is and conect connecting with the audience is to learn more about one
another and their lives and how it shapes us and takes us to The Next Step
yeah and I’m with you I mean some people um call it an Earth School some people
think we’re in a simulation like I talk to all kinds of people and I yeah I I have I can’t sign on
fully to any of those things except for the fact that I’ve had some experiences and I know that
something goes on with our Consciousness our soul after our physical body dies that’s the
only thing I know from personal direct experience and sounds like you you know you know that now too in a way you
didn’t know before you know yeah and I think there’s lots of evidence to to to back that up now right Technology’s
changed so much that there’s all these ndes right and there’s stories of people who have passed away who have seen the
other side or seen some version of that so I I think unlike and look I I’m a I’m
a a religious guy um you know I am a Christian and so I look at all those
things I take a lot of things in Christian was a Christian obviously but he was spiritual and so you you take a
lot of um Avenues and trying to figure things out but um yeah you mentioned in
your book he was you’re cath Catholic practicing Catholic yeah correct and so he he was Catholic but he was also into
the Dow I mean his young life he was exploring all the other things to kind of knit together what is really going on
and um yes I I dedicate whole chapter to the DA which is Christian’s da which
talks about how to flow with the river how Christian LED his life to flow with
the river and not against the current right that’s the D teaches us that how to do that I think that’s what’s unique
about Christian is he could take all the spiritual because there’s a lot of commonalities between you know um the
Muslim faith the Buddhist faith and and Christian faith they they all have so
many similarities and so that’s what made Christian unique his spirituality he
could pull all those things in and understood them to the fullest extent but D the Daoism is just you know
Christian’s way of life and how he leted it and I I try to explain as best I could in the book um knowing Christian
as well as I did you know in did his dosm and have any influence on you in
that it helped you I don’t want to say flow with the grief because it’s not
something you flow with because you’re just I I always um look at grief and
losses is more like a tsunami experience you know something a wave comes in
washes everything away and the best you can do is like get on a surfboard and try to try to um ride it but did you did
you take any of that did did any of that that he gave you that Dow ISM part of it
um help you with your grief at all yeah I think so the more I learned about
DSM I didn’t prior right so again pre chis M but uh you know I’ve got my own
ways this is you know again very different mindset but I am open to learning and exploring um so Christians
DM did teach me to flow better right I I
I talk about that two things in life helps us navigate grief I think and it
helped for me which is to understand that we must be um show humbleness in
all regards whether to God to people to life the second is to realize we’re not in
control and I think that’s a part of D in way you kind of letting that you’re
not in control of your circumstances and so you have to realize that you’re you can only control so much
I thought I could control everything I thought I could control saving Christian I thought I could control my destiny in
those manners but it’s just not the case um so I think that yeah I I think your
tsunami you know idea is is is accurate right you wash you’re completely wiped
out and all you’re done doing is picking up the pieces it’s not so much the surfboard which sounds like a lot of fun
actually but uh it’s it’s not as fun as riding a surfboard I feel like you’re
mostly in the mix trying to pick up the the the the messes for a long time to
recover and that’s what you do you’re just you’re trying to build back yeah and for me it’s about finding pockets of
joy to to fill up my heart that has been ripped out of my chest yeah and I just
yes of course I just I like the tsunami just because you know you’re talking about a giant force of nature that you
can’t control which is part of you know that thing that you’re that we all experience in loss I mean you probably
had it well I mean everybody but I I’m thinking of you as like a dad who’s a CEO you’ve just got one kid through
college you’re getting the other ones through and when you have something like that kind of diagnosis then a loss
everybody in grief deals with the powerlessness of of of our being that
that thing so precious to you all the other things you can master and yet in
the face grief one of the things you deal with is like you get this acute sense of powerlessness and I will let
you speak in a minute but I mean it’s no I love listening to you please I’m I’m enjoying it I’m I’m like transed by it
go ahead it’s it’s lovely to hear though that you took some of that experience of powerless
and humility in the face of loss and you look at other people as Souls down but
of course one of the things that for people who’ve had the losses and I always call about these things like You’re it’s just my broad stroke you’re
either in the club of illness or loss or you’re not you know you’re looking at those other souls and they don’t
sometimes necessarily know that they’re souls in the way that you can now see them as Souls you know you see how
fragile everybody is and how yes delicate life is yeah think the other
part to that and it’s so true I for me I internalize The Souls of
others and let me try to explain that meaning when I meet people I I do speak
I go out and do um presentations and speaking engagements and sometimes that
draws in different kinds of crowds right if I’m doing a a during the book launch and these book visits and people who
meet me it could be a set of of people are going through tremendous loss and I
and when I hear these stories they’re worse losses than you can possibly imagine worse than than mine right I
feel so blessed that I got to keep Christian around me this time but there’s people who do with all kinds of
loss but I internalize that too differently than loss of the past I’ve
lost my parents I know I’ve lost friends um but now when someone passes
away or I hear a story it affects me deeply very differently my soul feels
rattled um I’m emotional um I become I just sitting here I get emotional
thinking about others not even thinking about my own son but I think of other stories that just rattle me to my core
so that wasn’t the guy before um I could hear a story take it in and be tough and
it’s the way life is right but now not the case I’m able
to I wish I didn’t to be honest with you I wish I didn’t have that capability that I can internalize these pains and
struggles but I do um and um I think it’s just going to be a part of my life
till I move on I suppose yeah yeah you have that sensitivity now it’s I was
always pretty sensitive you know I just kind of didn’t like so very very much now I’m I’m in tune with other people’s
grief more uh which is a which is a constant thing I’m always challenged
right and I have to speak to people to help me do that better as a person and
help to how do I deal with that you know without it tearing me completely down and destroying me and that’s that’s just
something that I’ll always continue to work on and be better at try to be better
at now you seem to me a a very up guy
you know looking for I mean let’s let’s face it the book is you took from Christian what’s good about today like this is what we’re focusing on but I do
want to ask you a question um is there in in your loss is there anything that
you wish other people knew about what it’s like to lose a child is there
anything different like a lot of people have not great experiences sometimes
with people they know that they run into that are trying to be comforting but they flop at it is there anything that
you wish that people knew um about comforting having empathy or
sympathy for well not empathy but sympathy for people who’ve had a loss that that they
don’t it’s a fantastic question uh well as someone going
through it I know exactly what that means I’ve had things said to me that
are completely inappropriate um I’ve to to be honest
with you and I think people will resonate with this family actually say the worst things um don’t sometimes step
up and you think it’d be the opposite much of the kindness and the caring I
will second that I will second that in my experience and I’m sure there are people gonna hear this to say the same thing so yes go on yeah yeah so I I the
kindness that I have found has been from strangers people who don’t know me um
who seem to be able to talk to me better I also think I’m gravitating my wife you
know or more more gravitate I love my there are friends that are the most dear and precious and have been so loving and
supportive and I talk about that in the book at these unbelievable experiences like that but
in a way and this sounds harsh is you don’t want to talk to them because you
are it’s a part of an old life in a way and it just resurfaces I mean my kids to
the same schools with their these their kids so it’s a as you are navigating
that that that’s you’re looking for sort of a way to break free of that and I
would tell you that the best in the best you know people talk about how do you talk to someone I’m so scared to hey
there’s nothing wrong with I love talking about my son I love it you know you’re not going to bother me and say you know Christian was a beautiful boy
he was so good to me or this or that I love that um but I think just saying
sorry that’s all you need to say you know you don’t have to say I can’t imagine or oh I want you know I it’s
just there are so many nuances to this um that that’s why there’s so many books written about this stuff well one of the
reasons too I I want to talk about grief and recovering from grief in this podcast is because you know a hundred
years ago people put on morning clothes and black armbands and at least you knew
what was going on with somebody and there was some sort of guideline and Rule of how to treat this person that
they’re going through a hard time that it’s not going to be over quickly they’re going to be doing this for a while now we don’t have that and you
know something that you kind of touched on well two things I’ll mentioned is like one is that you know the people you think will step up and be comforting not
just through the loss but when you’re going through you know an illness like you had to go through they’re not there
but then people you would never suspect have this have the skill and step up and give you the comforting word
or show you something it’s very disorienting well I think I think the key for me has been you really
understand the people who love you when things like this happen right you I have
found what I consider a new friend uh friends that who just they just are a
new part of my life and I recognize they become what I’ve always been looking for
right it’s all the other stuff in a way is fake you know it it wasn’t real some
of it’s real I I don’t I’m not trying to poo poo a full life but you know but you
do you’re able to pull out the ones that were and you realize oh I don’t want to
be a part of that anymore I don’t need that’s I love them or I again family I
love them I’ll do anything for them but I don’t need to have them in my daily daily life because they’ll pull me down
right I want I need to be full I need to move forward I need to be full of positivity of course Christian was and
that’s what I hope always to achieve I hope people do that and that’s the advice I give
is life isn’t easy I mentioned that quote which is Bruce Lee said it which is you know don’t don’t pray for an easy
life but pray for the strength to endure a difficult one and I remind myself of that quite often that this is a
difficult life but you have to to just pray to have the strength to endure this
this difficult one that we’re we’re dealing with so but and that’ll come down to friends and those you love and
you’ll see them I you you know them you just use your heart you can see it it’s just it’s right there in front of you a
lot of people working through grief get to a point where they’re formally making meaning which is what you did in writing
the book I think it’s like it was a you I think you wrote the book a year and a half after Christian passed yeah which
is now a year and a half ago from now so that’s um how started yeah started yeah
how did you like how did you how did you make the decision how did you know it was time how did you decide how you wanted
to write it and what you wanted it to be about tell me all we’re gonna talk all about the book now oh there it is thank
you awesome oh that makes me feel good uh well the you know
you well there’s lots of things that go into writing a book but beyond all the mechanical pieces of it you know just
the mental state that I was in for the first year and a half uh and I’m open
about this I talk about it that I was not in a good place I don’t think I was a good husband I wasn’t a good father
I’m not sure if that was the right thing wrong I I was the wrong thing but I was weak
and I’m I’m sorry I just want to push back I’m were that’s why how how so how
do you think you were weak because I was destroyed you know my you know you got
to remember for a year and a half it was 247 trying to save Christian Life yes so
I you’re not much sleep you’re just that’s your only focus you felt like you’re that’s you’re on this constant
for one year non-stop to save his life and then he’s gone everything’s gone and
everything you’d dreamt about for him or thought about for him is just gone and I
think that I was weak because my soul was was drawn it was just taken out of
me um I didn’t know what was next I didn’t know where to go I had to you know working I got support my fan I do
all these different things enough about me the whole family was going through that so it’s not I wasn’t the only
person so well the tsunami hits your hit your house Chris it didn’t just hit you
right I get that but I just want to push back not knowing you very well but just saying you know you’re a human being and
there’s two I don’t want to say two kinds of losses but I’ve often thought about this my S my father and sister
were both ill for a very long time and I was definitely the main caregiver for my sister and you know you’re not as
shocked when they pass though I still found myself feeling shocked 10 months after my sister Michelle died but you’re
so exhausted you have to go through the marathon of of taking of caregiving
where you know your emotions are in turmoil but like you said you still have to be you know somebody’s doing the
nursing and the paying the bills and the like everything is going on at once and then when the loss happens you’re
already exhausted and some people you know I’ve tried to compare this well what happens if somebody just dies out
of the blue so you have all your energy up till them but in a way it’s a little bit more of a blow I don’t know which thing is better but you know you you run
the marathon and then you start running another different Marathon basically so I I I I get what
you’re saying I I I think when I say weak I mean I was weak on all levels you know I was tired I was mentally drained
okay I was um weak in in providing support to my wife is that was needed I
was weak in being a you know to be there for other things you know so but look I
came out of that obviously I you know there is the old adage One Step One Foot
In Front of the other which I did which is I just said look I’ve got to get myself out of bed I have to move move
forward I have to be I have to do these things and ultimately you know a year and a half into it I started to feel
that nudge U that nudge that I wanted I think one of the biggest fears for
people in life for grief especially children you don’t want them to be
forgotten it’s it’s it it’s it scares me to death that’s what scares me to death
not all the other crap in life what scares me the most is people don’t get to know my son Christian
because if he was here you would get to know him others would get to know him but he’s not here to to do that I think
he was so special and he would have done amazing things so I feel it’s part of my
journey that I want to tell people about Christian I want them to know Christian I want to tell his story because it’s
remarkable and so it scares me that I don’t that so that’s what keeps me driving myself writing the book was part
of a little bit out of fear right it’s it’s fear I don’t want to lose this I
want to continue to talk about Christian I always love talking about Christian I’m excited as a doting fathers we all
are of our children so it was a way of doting on Christian a way to tell his
story and continue to keep that alive it but it’s painful in a way too right because I have to keep telling the story
and um yeah so you have to you have to way um I call it and I’ve it’s like
picking at the scab like when is it comforting you and when is it not comforting you because there’s a point
when it’s okay for you to choose what’s comforting to you you know there is that thing that I think everybody in grief
goes through where um you know I that you’re wondering you
don’t want to um like Let It part of letting go you don’t want to feel like you’re letting
go of the love or being disloyal or anything as you start as you’re Pro as you kind of keep processing it more and
you’re you realize that I know we have a connection I know you’re with me but I
can’t think about you 247 and I’m not saying you’re doing that with Chris I just know that I thought about that with
my sister where there was a point where I was thinking about her more than I would have thought about her if she was
alive and well like I would have been in the city busy doing stuff she would have been you know out on Long Island doing
her stuff and yeah we would talk and stuff but I wouldn’t be thinking about her constantly and I was doing that it
was it was like this isn’t how we even and she wouldn’t want me to be that way I thought it would be like get off of me
leave me alone but but but everybody has to has to process that feeling of um you
know you don’t want to feel disloyal in some way or I don’t know if that’s the right word you tell I think you’re right
no no no I think you’re diving into the depths of that emotion right there’s
there’s lots of different emotions you just you brought up one which is disloyalty now that’s not all disloyalty
it’s a it’s a matter that it passes through our brain and when you go through these things there’s lots of
feelings and emotions that are tied to it so one of them is that and I have
certainly felt that and I do I think he made actually a really good
point that I probably do think about my son Christian more than I had in the
past now I I did all the time just because he was so unique and I L to be
in his presence I he was extremely uh an incredible human being
that I had to be where he was at all the time whether it was sneaking than to watch him do things he was a mus um you
know and in an actor and theater and so I love just sneaking through the crack
to catch a window of him you know as that weird parent that just because I love to be in his Aura and see him um
because he was just yeah I I yeah I’m the only parent I know of that would go to the high school and sneak into a back
or just to look through a crack just to catch a glimpse of him practicing because I just he was just such a
special kid um but yeah I think all those emotions are are constant and but
I you know I don’t I probably do talk to him more than I would have normally but I would have talked to him every day
anyway uh I would have called him and got my daily dose of Christian um
because he would just have made me feel good about life in general so yeah I guess he um you don’t say this in
the the book but it sounds like I mean he was 23 but it sounds like you also you were Father’s son but you also had a
little bit of the Buddy Buddy relationship maybe well that was developing right I
mean he was young yeah yeah I mean I think when your kids are at that they go
through those stages right and I’m a dad so I have to be a dad like a mom has to
be a mom and they are things we you know we perceive that we do and how we want to be tough on them um and and what we
want them to achieve and most importantly be good good citizens and good people be gentle and kind to others
and that’s what we tried always instill into our kids continue to do that but as
a your son gets to college and he’s doing his college experience and you want to become it was always my dream
right is and I always thought this out I very much did I looked forward to these years I really did I was excited about
the opportunity about my son becoming this young man and and having a girlfriend getting married and doing all
the things that dads do um and being buddies and and just having this not me
being the dad like you need to do this or you you got why haven’t you done this why are you not getting to class or
whatever that mean you haven’t done your homework I mean all these different things so I was very much looking we we
were doing that and we were doing a lot more of that um but yeah yeah we he was
definitely my buddy he was definitely my buddy he was my he was my best friend as I talk about he was my best friend but
he was also my wife’s best friend it was my my daughter’s best friend he was my younger son’s best friend Christian was
always the core nucleus of the family it’s not the you think it was the parents and it in some ways it is but
really Christian was the core of the family because we all look to him for laughter and um smiles and bringing
perspective to everything we went through or going so how how is your how
are I have to ask about your kids just because I’m a person who’s had sibling loss so they’re my people but how how
are they doing and how is your whole family I mean I I know you’re now speaking about your family and I I don’t
want to ask you to talk about anything where you feel you shouldn’t talk about their business but how is your whole
family doing now if Christian was the core of your family how are you doing reconstituting creating a new family and
a new way of being all of you yeah New Traditions I mean I
know the holidays are different you get all that stuff so and it takes time but that’s the project in front of you now
whether you all like it or not you know yeah it’s it again developing uh as we
speak right my kids are good my son is a junior at the same college that Christian goes to Nick um good boy
quiet doesn’t talk about this at all doesn’t want to be involved in any of
that um it’s almost like I think for him his copy mechanism is to it’s not that he doesn’t think about Christian I know
he does um but he doesn’t outwardly talk about it his sister um very outspoken
very talkative um kind of the tough one of the family you know she’s handles it
she was very close to Christian they’re only 15 months apart best friends and uh but she’s tough you know she just that
she’s able to handle it and uh her her husband is overseas on the USS coal in
the Middle East as a naval officer so she’s just got a different mindset about things yeah my wife very difficult you
know every day every day it’s it’s always uh something we deal with uh I
don’t think there’s a day that goes by that she doesn’t cry or I don’t cry every day
because life here at house has been a standstill you know Christian’s room is still there his clothes are the same as
it was when we left we’ve kind of sealed it off um you can drive down our whole driveway and there’s still green lights
that decorate the streets because Christian’s favorite color was green people do it out of his honor still and
so you know but I but yeah New Traditions that’s tough right you sit the dinner
table um and there’s an empty spot right but you’re uh but you navigate it
um and we were getting better at it you know Christmases and things like that I I will say I was as as a parent that’s
why I say when I was weak the first year you know I used to always do the Night Before Christmas before kids would go to
bed and I did it as in as adults as adults I did it you know they’d sit around as adult you know these are kids
are older kids and I’m doing with my hat on and I would do it and I didn’t do it the first year I didn’t do it the second
year uh because I was [Music]
I think I drank so much that I would pass out by 4 o’clock in the afternoon you know by those times I was just
couldn’t cope with what was the reality of things at the time but I’m I’m I’m good now and I will it so it’s all good
now better yeah okay creating that new tradition yeah yeah um I’m gonna ask you
a difficult question a couple of difficult questions now um would you
first of all do you think that Christian would want his room to be left as
is and do you think like you said you want people to to know him and remember
him do you think that he is concerned with that where he is now
about his room in particular well about well about being remembered or if he just wants the relationship with you and
Kate and his brother and his mother and you know does and not doing all the book stuff and all that that kind of thing no
no no I’m not saying that I’m no I think that’s to I mean I’m not necessar to the
extent if you’re saying that when you as you go on publicizing and getting the book out there yeah if it’s keeping your wound open I’m gonna say probably your
son wouldn’t want you to do that anymore than anybody who loved you would want you to keep a wound open that could
change and shift over time that’s just something is when somebody loves you they don’t want you to be in any more
pain than you have to be so um but I’m wondering about you said you wanted him to be remembered and the reason I ask
that and again these are I know I’m asking difficult questions is because you know at some point let’s just say
Christian lived to be 90 years old and you died before him and then he dies and
then his kids die at some point unless we’re like historical figures nobody’s going to remember any
of us because we all remember no but I’m just saying at some point
none of us will be remembered and I mean I think even the stuff we know about historical figures is probably so distorted in some ways from who they
were and what we don’t know what their inner lives were like you know biographers try to speculate so I I
don’t know if if that’s something he wants but also I will say you know with
the with how keeping his room you know and this is something everybody’s had a loss goes through I mean I had my sister
was at home like Christian was um but we had moved her back into um my my
mother’s house my parents house and um I then started staying there to take care
of my mom and in the bathroom was like stuff that my sister had used and I
thought I was crazy but like there were bottles of shampoo I didn’t want to use and get rid of because this was part of
the stuff that was there when she was there and I went and I had gone to a bement group and some woman started
telling basically the same kind of issue she was having like with her mother’s stuff and it was like tiny stuff it wasn’t even a whole room like I said we
moved Michelle into this into the house so it wasn’t like she all her stuff was in the room like I set it up the best we
could but it was other stuff that it was just like I couldn’t touch for like I mean I don’t know if I didn’t start
using that stuff for a couple of years eventually I did but I’m wondering how
what you think Christian’s take would be on that man you know I feel like I’m in
therapy this is great and I don’t have to pay for it this is fantastic thank you so
much well I it’s not that all things are still there I would tell you over time
again three years ago it hasn’t been that long um so you know there’s things
I’m more of a guy who does get rid of things so my wife’s more the one who holds on to things she’s very course you
have you have to make the decision as a couple about yeah yeah so there are things we yeah we do uh could be all
Christian sneakers that we donate the goodwi which Christian would want us to do so Christian loved Goodwill he like
to shop at Goodwill he’d be happy that we’re giving things away of his so I think that’s just a process at this
point some of it’s just we just don’t want to do it I mean to be honest you
know sometimes it’s just it’s daunting I think it’s just something over time with chrisan didn’t like
it h well he was extremely humble so my nature is to say that no he
would want us to I’ve seen two sides to that right I have seen families who
literally the day after they pass they clear out everything and it’s like starting a new I can’t imagine doing it
but people do it that’s fine and there’s people hold on to things forever um I
think there’s things that we hold on to that I could go into Christian’s room and he had tons of clothes he was very
retro he had so many things and I know every piece of that clothing where he wore it where he didn’t wear it yeah U
but yeah I think it’s just would he be happy or would he be okay Christian was
also very understanding so that’s why you know even writing the
book I was encouraged by not encouraged that Christian write this book you need to write this book it was Christian more
like I support you Dad I’m I’m there with you as part of this journey
so for me it’s more uh getting Christians approval like a dad um and
supporting me in this process and knowing he’s there to help me kind of navigate all these different things so
it’s you know I I think more Christian humbleness and and giving me approval but some things he’d probably be okay
with some things he was again probably now you know but I mean I asked this too
like I have a pile of my sister’s journals sitting behind me actually off camera you can’t see it um and I’ve
gotten rid of many of her things but I just have had this pile of journals because of the fact that these are
things are handwriting she was touching every page but now I’m at the point where you know I’ve had some health
issues of my own I’m 56 and and I’m thinking I don’t the I have to get rid
of these things like before something could happen to me like I don’t want them just floating around so I realized
that’s the thing and what do you do with it then what do you do I’m G I’m gonna put them through the shredder at some
point w and I shredded I shredded one of them well I don’t want to just throw them in the garbage that’s the other thing I don’t want to just take journals
and throw them in the garbage so I feel like you know I guess I could light up the fireplace and burn I think where’s
the shreddings go where did the shreddings go that’s true the shreddings are gonna go into the Gage I think she’s
I know but it’s like I don’t want to turn everything into a relic you know what I mean so and I and I and I felt
with with I have you know as I said I’ve had a couple of like afterdeath
Communications with Michelle and I feel like I have a different relationship with her now like a lot of um problems I
feel she had in life I’m glad to know she’s not doesn’t have to deal with anymore um but I’m just saying I’m only
mentioning this as like we all go through it I’m going through it I got this P this problematic journals that I
want to hold on to but if I’m not here somebody else is just going to throw them in the trash like nothing plus they might read them like and I don’t know
who else in the sphere that she wouldn’t you know it’s fine we were close you
know I was as close as anybody to her and you know had the was her caregiver
her power of attorney was the one who took care of the funeral was with her in the end um but I wouldn’t want somebody
else to have them so it’s like but I I and I still have other stuff but that’s the one pile of like volatile stuff
where it’s like I really should make sure this is something is done with this in case something happens to me that’s
where it came down to but yeah anyway we we’ve all got the stuff you know yeah I
do I got I got stuff well no different than all the pictures we take on our iPhones of our animals whatever they
When We’re Gone none of this is going to be matter 50 100 years today nobody’s looking at those pictures exactly
exactly everything’s gone so you know you’re talking to me Chris about a whole other closet of stuff I have I didn’t
even mention yeah all this stuff is gone doesn’t everything so yeah I think it’s what makes us feel okay today and what
makes us be able to navigate this world that we’re in uh while we’re here so
yeah that’s all we can okay I’ve got one more difficult question for you before we then hit our final round of like what
I call the lightning questions that I ask all the guests but one more difficult question okay and it’s very difficult so would you trade what you’ve
learned so far and the way you see people as souls and and your new
understanding of the world would you trade what you’ve learned to have
Christian back yes okay yeah no of course that’s
easy okay easiest question of the day yeah take it back in a heartbeat because I
to because here’s the thing I would have been enlightened it’s I kept getting
enlightened by Christian in anyway so he was a guy who was enlightening me and
I’d have gotten better as a person anyway um yeah that’s that’s an easy one
the Pain’s too difficult the things I’ve witnessed the things I’ve seen the things I don’t want we want this on the
worst of persons in the world there’s nothing worse um to you know people lose their children to Suicide drugs all
kinds of difficult things and I can’t imagine those either they sound horrible to me but it I also lost my son over a
year just watching him slowly uh um dissipate and yeah the
beautiful body is everything right in front of me and so it’s just you know
what’s worse I don’t know they’re all bad but uh no I take them back yes okay
all right to the lightning realm then so and I think I know what this answer to this one’s going to be but what does a
well-lived life look like to
you uh um love I mean I always come back to one
thing it’s just love well live life is love how much love you put out how much
love you take in and to me it’s just always been agape love Agape you know that’s the deepest
of loves there is so to me that’s life everything is I think that’s the reason
we’re here I think it’s to put love out I think that’s it I’m not being very lightning like so go ahead no
it doesn’t draw I don’t draw it along love love nobody answers the questions
quickly I just ask them quickly okay so what do you suspect is the true
reality the true nature of reality you can you know you’ve got religious views you’ve had some
afterdeath communication what do you think goes on
oh no that one the nature you know I will ask you the companion question so
no I want go ahead oh you do the comp the companion question is just you know when you die you know what do you hope
to find out or have answered yeah I want answers to what was
the purpose of it all right the purpose I I it by the way I’m not the only
person who has wants to understand the purpose of of children specifically
children why children are taken from this Earth whether it’s when they’re one
two six months I don’t know whatever 22 um and why is that have to happen you
know I mean I I think I understand it I I I guess to your original question
which was the original question again well I as we were talking about what the nature of reality is what you suspect it
is suffer U ing I think the nature of it is
suffering it’s all suffering we suffer I do yeah yeah I know I felt that
way I don’t feel that way now but I will say the thing that I say I discussed with some of my other guests is the the
issue of being in an incarnate body comes with like difficulty right from the start because just being human it’s
not a cakewalk because you got to eat you always have to rest your brain and your body for some hours every day we
have to survive in a certain temperature range of 10 degrees like there’s these physical things and then plus you pile
on the other stuff that happens and it’s very it can be very difficult here yeah yeah well Helena it’s the odds are
stacked against us as humans the fact that we’re still here talking like there are so many ways for us to die and not
be here the fact that I’m 55 and I’m still here other the things I’ve done
even as a kid and crazy things you we’re the same age so we didn’t have to record it back then all the goofy
things but yeah I I think but but ultimately I think suffering whether
it’s when you’re young all the way being old but suffering for others suffering in a general sense right you suffer for
your your sister it’s deep suffering but I also believe suffering is the is in my
opinion how we become closer to God I think it’s an in it’s something that’s
put into us that we understand that nature for a reason the full nature of
it I’ll know when we’re not here why we’re asked to suffer so deeply um so I I think to get so deep
into this I think it’s just a matter of going through that that um pulls us
closer um and um but we’ll find out one day yeah so
I’m gonna hold up your book again for people on YouTube and just um say where can people find you in your
book book can be found it’s on global distribution you can find on you can find on Amazon what’s good about today a
purpose-driven life it can be found at Barnes & Noble it can be found at probably most web
sites for sale I you know there’s so many websites I see it pop up on that I wouldn’t even overseas and Christian
sites and all kind of different sites um afterlife sites I’ve seen all kinds of
things so you can find it there you can certainly Google Christian Cochran my
son most importantly I I love people just to learn more about my son so Christian
website.org yeah I think I have do too I can’t
recall if that’s part of it which may take you to the.org uh but yeah Christian actually had
christian.com for his acting at one point in time that was a different site for all his his stuff things that he was
doing but yeah Christian [Music]
cochran.com speaks.com is me and that’s where I go out and speak and talk about the
stories and how to hopefully lead a purposely Driven Life and and uh so I’m that’s another venture but
yeah that’s the places you can get the book now okay and outside of having people you know have gratitude and ask
what’s good about today um any final messages for the listening
audience uh yeah I mean I think when you
um well hopefully everybody gets the book and I appreciate the opportunity to talk about the book and uh be able to
explain Christian and and get to talk about him to this level I think it’s important for people to know that even
in the the most difficult times you can find resilience you can find hope you
can find the things that are good and I think that’s what’s great about Christian’s message what’s good about
today which he asked and told us uh every day as we were crying he would say
what’s good about today and it was his daily reminder that you can find joy you can find wonder you can find amazing
things even in the worst of circumstances which we have and Christian did and so I think that if you
narrow it down to that simple message you ask yourself that in the morning you can ask yourself in the afternoon you
can ask yourself at night you can find the good in every single day and that’s
my hope that’s my message that’s what I’m hoping Christian and I can get out to the world and I do believe it can
change lives and I’ve seen it I’ve seen it all across the world I get messages from all over the place and it’s special
to see that that simple message its core message can really change lives yeah
yeah a Chris thank you so much for talking with me today and being on the show I appreciate it I would love to
talk to you in another year or two and see what’s going on let’s book it let’s
go thanks for watching click to join us on another journey and don’t for forget
