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everything that you’re doing today is influenced and through the perspective
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and through the lens of your past and your past experiences that’s how you’re seeing the world so unless you shift
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your perspective of the past and those experiences you’re projecting and you’re bringing all that pain and all that all
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that stuff to your relationships whether it’s your children your spouse your
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relationship with money Your Capacity to fulfill your own potential it affects
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every
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[Music]
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everything I’d like to welcome to the journeying soul Victoria Volk how are you doing today
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Victoria I’m great I’m excited to be here thank you for the opportunity thank you for coming on the show so I often
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like to start my interviews with the personal story so in your case you’ve
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written you’re a grief author I don’t even know if that’s particularly a genre but I’m gonna say people write books
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about grief or grief authors and you do grief coaching so how did your dad your
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dad died when you were eight and I’m assuming that’s kind of the Launchpad for your story can you just share a
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little bit about that time because also I want to I just want to add before you even speak I mean the thing about losing
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having a loss that early in life is you don’t have the the vocabulary to express
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yourself or the vocabulary to understand what’s going on so I know that that had to be an issue but please tell me a
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little bit about that and how that formed you well and and so from the age
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of six really my life really just I was kind of put on in the
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backseat just because my mom had so many other things she was dealing with but they were gone a lot he and my mom were
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gone a lot because he was a veteran so he he his care was 3 hours away at the veterans hospital and so but the thing
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is is my grandmother my mother’s mother had been diagnosed with melanoma by the
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time my father had died you know my mother was emotionally
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spent of course so emotionally she was unavailable I was kind of shuttled around between the neighbor and the
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friends of the family and um but yeah so after he passed um within a
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couple years my mom had remarried but then I had been molested and my sister moved away cuz she graduated she joined
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the military and so she was like my second mom to me so there was just a lot
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of between the age of 6 and 12 just chaos
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and just I was just existing and you know
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you talked about the not having the language um there was no talking really
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about well how are you feeling everyone just assumed I actually heard some I remember someone saying at the funeral
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um you know you’re this tall and everyone’s around you walking around and I heard someone say she doesn’t
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understand what’s going on anyway ah yeah but meanwhile she’s sucking it all
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up like a sponge so yeah yeah of course my kids I have three kids so when my
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kids were eight I I looked at them and I thought would they understand if their dad passed away
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absolutely like there we do not get kids enough credit for what their
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understanding or what their capacity to understand is um and we always say
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people always say well kids are resilient they’ll bounce back or whatever and and kids it’s like okay
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well yeah they appear to be resilient but this is going to come up later in their life and so once my mother had
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remarried that marriage was not a healthy one um a lot of arguing um he
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was a truck driver Long Haul trucker so he was gone a lot anyway but it was I
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could not wait to graduate and get out of the house put it that way and sure
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enough all of that grief and everything would show up and rear its ugly head in my early 20s and everything was just
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snowballing and I I didn’t have the coping skills I didn’t have the relationship with with my mother who she
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was someone I could go to to to talk to um I tried therapy but um yeah
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discovering alcohol starting to go to the bars things like that I knew every drink special every night of the week um
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somehow I didn’t get fired from my job which I probably should have been um I was on the brink of losing my license
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due to speeding tickets and um had several fender benders um
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you know just a lot of loss throughout my life I just really by the time I got
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to my 30s and had my last child and I just felt like my life was just one of
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suffering I struggled with postpartum depression after my youngest that was um
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how I didn’t tell anybody I didn’t tell a soul until I went through grief recovery
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it was I I could give you so many examples of loss and loss of Safety and Security
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throughout my life that have nothing to do with death and that’s the thing like
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so many people that are afraid to look at the past or look at the things that
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have happened to them and their experiences they’re afraid to look at the past and they just say I’m fine and
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we say that in grief recovery that fine is feelings inside not
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expressed because if you were like me no one gave you the space in the time
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or the acknowledgement that what you were going through was hard or difficult and that it will be okay as long as you
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have somebody the support system around you as long as you have the tools no one came to me and said here are the tools
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that you need to get through this I’m here for you like n not I had to do that for
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myself and I think when we get to adulthood that is the choice that we have each and every one of us to sweep
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our own doorstep to find the thing that’s going to help us get out of that
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mentality that your life is one of suffering that’s all it’s going to be
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that’s what I believed that’s the story I attached to and it wasn’t until grief
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recovery that I thought something else was possible and you have said so so many things that I want to um hopefully
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get you to expand on um I mean obviously it’s important for people
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listening to know that when you’re speaking about grief writing
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about grief helping people with grief you’ve walked the path um but the other thing you
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mentioned too and this came up in another um podcast I did a month or so ago um that there are other losses
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besides like the physical death of a person that can have these gigantic
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impacts and something that in your book touched me personally like it set off a
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a thing for me when I and I’ll share a little of my story one of the events in my life when I was still in grade school
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I was um 11 my sister had tried to kill herself and there were other things that
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happened in that time but one of the things that happened in that time was for all of my childhood in this summer
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we had gone to this um pool and Tennis Club it sounds a little Fu Fu Shi but it wasn’t it was just in the 60s when they
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would build a Suburban neighborhood they would often add like a a big pool and a couple of Courts and the housewives
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because back then in the late 60s early 70s there might be just one car so you would walk walk to this place and so
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that was how I Spent My Summer every summer you know it was a a cheapy little club that was built for the neighborhood
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when I was 11 that pool Club closed and it was such a point of grief for me in addition to what was happening with my
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sister and to my family and you the the thing that you wrote in your book that was struck me in a way so similar is
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that your family when your dad died your family stopped going to
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church and that was a that was to me that was your pool club that was this
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thing that you needed that was like a good space for you and um you know
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definitely when you’re young you don’t know what secondary losses are but that’s that was one of those things
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where it’s like you it’s not just your dad like your whole your whole world and you lost Church which was so important
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to you and his whole family because his whole family was no longer in my life either yeah you said there was um and if
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I’m misspeaking correct me there were you also had like dinners after church like on that weekend right there was
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like a family thing that was on my mother’s side yeah before my mother’s mother had
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passed away after Sunday church we would go there for go to my grandmother’s for
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lunch um and but on my father’s side um after he
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passed there was uncles aunts cousins I had no relationship with any of them the
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story that I was told was that my uncle said that he would watch over us and
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take care of us well he didn’t keep to his promise and so that was the my mom
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severed that thread and I never got a a birthday card from my grandmother never
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heard from her um and so what was it the adults who just couldn’t be
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adult be adult yeah usually it’s like this is yeah it’s like those listening to
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this think about the stories that you as the parent or the adult has attached to and the ripple effect that that has for
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generations to come because every choice that we make
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as parents has an effect on our children and also your as you said down
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the generations like I think of some things um I’ve dealt with just in the last 10 years and
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how my grandparents choices created this situ this situation now and then
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obviously their parents too and the times it’s just you know we’re it’s it’s generational
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trauma is basically um where we’re going but it but we know what generational
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trauma is and that it has a name so adults today have a choice to do something different and you
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talk about this a lot in your in your book um I think when you’re talking
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about there’s some sections on um victimhood and the choices a person can
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make about that like if we look in the mirror like we are the common denominator in all of our problems we
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really are we really are and so what is the ownership I need to take well what
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can I do to impact my own life what can I do to change the stories that have
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been told to me how can I flip that script um how can I better understand myself so that I can make different
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choices and and shift my behaviors and perspectives to move forward to get Beyond this I’m sick of feeling I’m sick
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and tired of being sick and tired and that’s kind of where I got to the point of being and so I was picking up all the
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books I was going through the personal development programs reading all the things taking every personality test
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that’s known to man I know my inogram I know my Myers Briggs I know all the stuff I did all the things because I
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thought oh my God I just need to figure myself out so I can figure my out and the answer didn’t come to me
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until like I had another loss actually my uncle who I wrote about in the book
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that I went to go see when he was diagnosed the one that I was referring to earlier he was diagnosed with brain
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cancer and I went to go see him that changed my life it changed um it’s like
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I flipped that script I flipped the story that was told to me I didn’t want to attach to that story anymore I wanted
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to feel differently moving forward about all of that that didn’t involve me right
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that was all about other people’s choices and I felt closer to my dad than
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I ever had since the day he had died reconnecting with my uncle because they were so close that’s why I’m so
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passionate about people understanding grief and understanding that it
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everything that you’re doing today is influenced and through the perspective
12:54
and through the lens of your past and your past experiences that’s how you’re seeing the world
12:59
so unless you shift your perspective of the past and those experiences you’re projecting and you’re bringing all that
13:06
pain and all that all that stuff to your relationships whether it’s
13:11
your children your spouse your relationship with money Your Capacity to fulfill your own potential it affects
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everything so yes you mentioned in your book that Tony Robbins was important to
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you in terms of financial I don’t want to say Financial healing but just in dealing with that
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part of it yeah
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I I don’t follow Tony Robbins anymore but ah okay I was wondering about that
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because there’s certain guys out there we’ll digress for a second but there’s certain guys out there like I say like Tony Robbins and even for some people
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like you know um Joel Olin comes on after it used to be on after me the Press so our TV would always roll into
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it there’s certain guys where it’s like can there’s something to say there but
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you really it’s not going to take you I feel through the depth of really transforming your life it’s like a certain message that I feel it’s almost
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like um I don’t want to say shock therapy but it’s like just a very different energy that quickly can
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reframe things for you but you have to look much deeper so I completely get that but how would you describe when you
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come from a home of lack where there’s a lack mindset mentality that lack you know just
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there’s just never enough you know the the money stories like we have relationship relational stories that
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we’re born into we’ve got money stories that we’re born into and there was never
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more than enough that was never the mindset like what we have is more than enough it was we’re just barely scraping
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by and that’s the mindset that I had going into my young adulthood like I
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always just had just enough and through grief recovery too we can
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apply those tools to money I’ve come to learn that money is energy it’s it’s
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just energy and it’s the level of importance that we place on it and what
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it means to me to have money is what it enables me to do it it’s a completely
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different shift from how I grew up um but now it’s really I’m I’m getting away
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from looking at these these gurus and these teachers and I’m more of coming into my own of what is it in me that I
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already know to be true for myself like what trusting myself and trusting that I
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have the tools and the knowledge now I have everything I need within me how can I apply that and so that’s kind of where
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I’m at right now um I don’t read near as many I have the self- health books but
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I’m not I’m not as I’m no longer trying to fix myself
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put it that way yeah you also mentioned that um Byron Katie um was important to you I don’t
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know if that was just during the period or if you still she’s got her is it five questions her big her big book is is the
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work right is that that’s the name of it right I I know I read it like 15 20 it
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was it’s kind of old but it’s five questions right I just so crazy you mention that because I was just going
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through my desk and cleaning my drawers just this in the last week and I came across this worksheet that she has
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probably still on her website and I was like yeah it’s just helped to re it’s a
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reframing it’s just a an exercise and reframing but yeah that’s on her website
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too I’m pretty sure still yeah and I and it it’s funny because she I I had a an
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interview with a um psychic medium again probably a month or so ago Corby ML and
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she has questions that she says there’re sort of similar to the work like her thing is like what are you ex about like
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what are you upset about fearful about whatever you know why are you this way
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about X and what would happen if it didn’t like X went away like if you
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didn’t have x if x fell apart and it’s almost like the Byron Katie sff like what do you know is true how do you know
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it’s true and I can’t remember what the other questions are but I do think it’s a really good important paradig Paradigm
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Shift when you can say to yourself like this thing whatever the thing is that’s bothering you or you’re fearful about or
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you’re anxing about like well how do you know that this is this is true what you’re thinking is and is it true that
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it’s important and yeah it can it can definitely reframe things and I also think in terms of grief you know one of
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the leaps that you that you make that that other people make too is when you
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realize and I connect this with the the the pages you know you wrote about
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victimhood when you realize like some of these things happen and it’s not personal you can’t take it personally
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it’s just what somebody did with what they had made maybe or I mean I had and
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I’ve talked about this in other podcast you know at my sister’s funeral um there was a whole thing where one of my aunts
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that we were aranged from threatened me in the church and I realized other relatives had enabled her to be there we had been aranged from her and that took
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a toll on my health like the years just what the family had done and I realized
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only a few years ago like really what I should have done when she threatened me was just laugh at how stupid it was I
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mean it’s like some people do terrible things in order to try to make you love them and and I just didn’t have the
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sense to not take it personally and say this is a this person yes she’s my aunt but she’s very troubled and she’s always
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been kind of broken in a certain way and doesn’t want to clean up her stuff and you just have to to laugh and you had
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quite a few losses I’m not saying you can laugh at them but when you realize it’s not directed at you and I mean you certainly have with your mom where you
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realize it’s like she doesn’t have it she should’ probably give it to you if she had it to
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give but she didn’t have it or have the sense to be there for you the way that you needed and to um look after the
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impact that you know your your dad’s illness not just his his death but his
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illness because you obviously as a child went through that thing where yes he died when you were eight but as you
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mentioned when somebody’s diagnosed with something you know the the technical term could be anticipatory grief but the
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fact is your family starts to change instantly so you had a loss of all that
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um then so I did want to say one other thing Victoria just to make a little bit
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of a distinction you you know there everybody is victimized at some point in
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their life like it’s the reason it’s an archetype victim is an archetype but it’s I think what you’re talking about
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is when you identify with that archetype and you let it become like it’s important to just not let it become your
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operating mode as you walk through everything that you let those worst moments of your life become the
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definition of everything about you what what do you think happens in
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those when you allow that to be how you identify yourself is all it does is
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chips away at Hope little by little it’s just chipping away at any hope that you have that you could live the dreams that
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you had as a little child but we allow these things that happen in our life experience to just chip away at that
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that child within us and the hopes and the dreams and the imagination and the creativity and all of these things we
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are born into that are Birthright that are could be a full expression of who we
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are it’s like we put the the grief Veil over our face and that’s we just wear
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that we just we don’t see ourselves clearly we don’t see other people clearly
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and understanding ourselves and I think I think we all innately know what we
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need to do but it’s the uncertainty it’s the
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fear of change it’s what it’s going to mean Victor I think some people don’t know what they need to do at all I mean
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you I I am similar to you in that I I’m a person who I wish I was wired
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differently but I approach life and people more from my head I’m thinking
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and then feeling is secondary and at least I become self-aware enough to try to switch that to bring more of like
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heart energy emotional connection into things but I would say I’m probably more IQ than EQ in terms of like which thing
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comes first but I do think there are some people who are um there’s so many
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different kinds of personalities out in the world I mean I’ve I’ve got in my family some people with narcissistic
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personality they don’t think about I mean they’re just that’s how they’re wired there’s parts of their brains that
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are missing where they don’t think about anybody but themselves in a very certain way and they don’t want to be
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self-aware there are people who are lacking that so you and I and other people who have had losses are trying to
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coexist in a world with some of those people who are very useless when you’ve had your moment of victimhood
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and you know I mean you’re trying to help them navigate around it and so am I
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in my way so I totally agree with you and here’s the thing like I think the answer though
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like when I say that like I think we innately know it’s it’s the opposite of what so how am I feeling right now how
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do I want to feel well how do I what do I need to do to get to how I want to feel we just need to ask ourselves those
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questions and we know like the answer is there is what I’m saying like the answer is there it’s just it it takes work the
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deep emotional connect to the heart work because I was all very much in my head
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but I am actually I’m a very much a feeler I’m a very I’m deeply feeling I’m
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I’m an empath an empath highly sensitive I required a lot of sleep as a child in fact most of the pictures I have of me
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as a kid I’m sleeping fell asleep before birthday party laying on my bed in my clothes
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with my shoes on I slept a lot but it was the grief it was the trauma it was just the fact that
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I was in sensory overload there was so much chaos around me there was so much emotional tens and disease you know
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something I have gone through similar experiences and it’s true when you’re you’re young I wound up having you know
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you were talking about dealing with alcohol issues in your 20s I got hit a little bit later in my 20s and it was
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just this complete physical breakdown where it’s like my back was bad I couldn’t walk because there’s and
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there’s a book called the body keeps the score and that’s the issue like dealing with all that stuff is so ex it’s
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exhausting so and if and you’re feeling it and you’re picking up on everything and it wears you out and then you get to
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a point where for me I was overwhelmed in one way you were overwhelmed in another you know so many people who um
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drink too much or abuse pills they’re trying to treat something else you know you’re self-medicating trying to treat
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something else fortunately for you you didn’t stay in that too long because for some people that can go on the whole
24:19
rest of their lives so well we either implode or we explode right so for me I
24:24
was imploding like I my hair was falling out I was very close to having um uh
24:29
bone marrow biopsy my iron was I have always had issues with my iron but it
24:34
was getting much lower like I was dropping weight um I it was like
24:41
fibromyalgia like symptoms like I just all over achiness that’s what I had that’s my 20s it’s
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emotional like so many of these things are emotional I just want to share something though I had you know when I
24:54
was going through fibromyalgia my issues with my family were there were certain members where it’s like well it’s
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emotional she’s got emotional problems and it’s like that was not
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helpful yes and the reason I do is because of all this stressful chaos that
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went on all the years before that I had no control over and can do anything about sometimes I don’t want to say the
25:18
Cure gets used against you but identifying it I think we’re better at it now it’s not like it was in the 90s
25:24
where you could just say that’s emotional it’s psychosomatic it’s this it’s like yes some it’s a your your system is
25:32
doing something protective to try to deal with something else and you have to get to that something else and for
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people who like let’s say you your family or whoever said that to you it’s like I would just when people listening
25:46
to this just think who is this person what do I know about this person who’s saying this to me well they probably
25:53
have a do they have a bottle of wine every night before they go to bed okay you know so you’re not not connecting
25:58
the dots for yourself so don’t tell me you know what I mean we don’t connect the dots the what we are feeling
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physically has anything to do with emotional we we go to doctor to doctor to doctor we go down rabbit holes
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because we don’t connect those dots for ourselves you know I always say too people can only sit with you to the
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depths that they’ve sat with their own stuff absolutely and so that’s where I’m
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saying like sometimes the people who are closest to you are not the best people
26:28
to take advice from or to seek counsel from because they have skin in your game right
26:34
they you learning and evolving and growing would have will have an impact on that
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relationship and that can be very unnerving for people because you’re learning and you’re growing and you’re
26:46
changing and you’re reflecting and you have self-awareness and you’re recognizing
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this person is maybe not healthy for me right now and so you know there’s a natural
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I think um one of my friends says the trash seems to just take out itself you know
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it’s like the people in our Lives who just you know it’s not to say like you
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just disregard people and throw away relationships and what have you um again
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like there is a way to navigate challenging relationships and maintain a
27:23
relationship relationships with people who are challenging I’ve done it um by doing the work and that is working
27:31
on yourself because that’s all you have control over and having very clear boundaries and being openly
27:38
communicative about what those are in a compassionate way you don’t have to be a jerk
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um there is a way to for compassionate communication and I think that’s an art
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and and of itself that you know texting and all this stuff and you know something Victoria I would also say too
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you have to make sure that you have the energy to do that when you engage like with
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people who are challenging like if you’re not in a place where you have the extra energy because it is a little bit
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more management it’s a little bit more preparation it’s a little bit more strategy or or whatever you have to make
28:12
sure that you’re you’re actually in a place where you can put out that extra energy to do it and if you’re not if
28:19
something really if you’re in a very bad spot it’s okay to Turtle up for a while
28:25
and be protective until you can do that I don’t know like for for me I’m an empath highly sensitive like people
28:30
pleasing like I’ve always had to manage the energy around me I’ve always had to make sure that you know if my mom was
28:38
okay emotionally then I was okay you had what I would say you know that
28:43
parentified child thing when you when you had the loss it’s like you’re taking care of your mom more than she’s taking
28:48
care of you because you’re trying to make sure nothing else in your family blows up that’s a great way to De develop like the skills of an empath is
28:55
to have that kind of childhood absolutely it’s definitely um becoming a being a
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people pleaser um everyone loves it everyone else loves it right but you’re
29:07
the one that suffers and you’re the one that pays the price and um there is a way to still give to others but yet you
29:15
have to understand like what your capacity is yeah I have a friend who’s a musician and in between albums he talks
29:22
about how he has to let the well fill up again like he doesn’t have anything to give but I do think in terms of what
29:28
we’re speaking about one of the things that is so great about the internet age so much stuff that’s bad about it but
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one of the things that is great about it is you can go and try to find your people who will help you fill up again
29:42
the people that have had the similar experience like you you know you’re not you’re not counseling people because you
29:48
haven’t walked the road before you are the guy who says or the lady who says I can get you out of the hole because I
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was in that hole and I got out of that hole and that’s a really a great thing
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about the internet and this is how we change generations to come is we learn
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these things we learn about grief and we learn how to shift our perspective and how we address
30:13
grief and how we look at it and how we process it and it’s not a sweeping under
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the rug it’s not a um I’m fine it’s
30:24
telling the emotional truth um when when we feel it and we don’t do that because
30:31
you know how often do we pass somebody on the street hey how you doing I’m great I’m fine absolutely but it’s a
30:38
strange thing that also happens in grief sometimes is um sometimes when you have
30:43
that exchange I mean there are there is a gamut of this I know of people who um
30:51
have been asked by a neighbor how are you doing if there’s a woman in particular I remember after her husband died and this woman wanted to know she
30:58
was doing but my friend really just didn’t want to talk to her because she didn’t like her so she gave her the fine
31:04
and then of course this woman wanted to probe more things thinking she was being helpful and it was just like leave me
31:10
alone um and some people have also had like the other I mean I’m with you on the you know when people ask you
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sometimes they’re just wanting be fine have a good day but some people in grief also had like the nice experience where
31:23
you know the people you think should be there aren’t there for you but then somebody else
31:28
a guy who um Ken Ley I had him in my film that I made the grief monomyth this is a long time ago and he just had an
31:35
experience where his mail carrier this is in the city I think he was living in Brooklyn at the time said hey hey Ken
31:41
how you doing he’s like fine and she goes no you’re not and just the fact
31:46
that this person who he saw every day in a very casual way really did see him and
31:53
really did want to know more was so valuable I mean I hope everybody has that experience because not everybody
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does have that thing where the where they’ve had that weird thing of some of the people you thought would be really
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great friends and really great support nope but then somebody else steps up I I hope everybody can have that but it does
32:11
but I’m with you on the fact that most people yes it’s just they they want to do the usual fine and you’re just
32:16
carrying so much and it’s painful it’s painful to have to be carrying that and
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have to try to do the B civil you know exchange of
32:31
pleasantries here’s the thing you can tell the emotional truth well you know I’m really not great today but I don’t
32:36
have the capacity to really talk about it right now you can tell the emotional truth and still communicate a boundary
32:43
and say thank you for asking yeah yeah yeah you know what I mean like it doesn’t again it’s very good advice to
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lie about it like I’m fine like even just saying I’m fine but in energetically
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the words do not match you’re lying to yourself too right like if we think about affirmations and
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montras how impactful they can be right like subconsciously if you’re lying every
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time someone’s asking you do you start to believe
33:16
it I mean energetically your your body knows the difference but you in your
33:21
mind you’re like I just need to get over this you start telling yourself I just need to get over this I just need to let
33:27
it go I need to forget about the past what happened happened blah blah blah blah blah right but if you can be
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emotionally honest I’m really not great but you know the sun is still
33:38
shining behind the clouds I know that eventually it will for me too you
33:45
know what I mean like yeah yeah it’s that um thing in loss where you
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just you you have it’s so hard though to try to have faith that if you just keep
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taking things one step at a time which sometimes is one hour at a time when it’s really bad but if you keep going
34:06
you will get to th those better moments where it’s like oh yeah the sun is shining and I’m enjoying it and I didn’t
34:12
think about my loss for the last hour yay yeah but it takes support for sure
34:18
it does it does and find your people the most important thing I think like I said with the internet you can find your
34:25
people you have you might have to go look for your people though the people are not just they’re not going to show
34:30
up in your doorstep with a casserole anymore and be just the right people you have to probably go find your people
34:36
then you got to ask yourself what what would I be doing with my life if this person was still here
34:42
what would they want what would they um desire for me what do I desire
34:49
to you know I’m here I’m still here what can I do to maybe help somebody else
34:57
feel less alone in their grief you know and and it doesn’t have to be big stuff you know we always think we have to do
35:03
these big things and um you know write a book or
35:09
um start a foundation or organization or things like that but it’s it’s I mean
35:14
just small I think it’s different for everybody I was speaking with somebody about this last week where you get to
35:21
the sort of I don’t want to say it’s not the end stage of grief because it never ends neatly but when you start to try
35:27
figure out how you’re going to make meaning of your life and your loss for some people it is writing a book or
35:34
starting a foundation for other people it’s just we had that special stone done we planted a tree or we have now a new
35:42
tradition that we do but that making mean thing is important however you do it but it’s absolutely not everybody has
35:48
to start a foundation it’s the way you that’s the other part of learning about
35:53
yourself it’s like well what is the way I will do this you know that I want that I want to engage with and live with for
36:00
a long long time to come so and just live like live what does it
36:06
mean to live what do you want to what do you want to experience yeah there is that there’s a
36:13
part I feel too where it’s like you realize okay my my loved one is gone I’m
36:18
still incarnate in this body what am I supposed to do here with this stuff you
36:24
know and and for me and I’ve discussed this in some other shows is like I was I realized at some point that I was
36:31
thinking about my sister so much like talking to her in my head all the time that if she were alive and I was like
36:37
constantly like texting her or calling her on the phone she’d be like get away from me I have stuff to do and it’s like
36:43
she has stuff to do I have other stuff to do it was like you know you still have the
36:49
relationship but yeah like what else what else and that’s a great that’s a great moment when you get to that what
36:55
else I had somebody else put it to like as what now you know when you get to that what now moment it’s a good moment
37:02
but it does take time to get there anybody who’s not in it shouldn’t feel ashamed or bad about not being in
37:09
it yet but just look for it keep an eye out took me 30 plus years I mean it
37:15
doesn’t have to but it took me that long but you bring up a good point too um in what you said um with talking to your
37:23
sister and I I think too like I think one of the things that could have helped me as a child is to recognize that um
37:29
just because the physical communication ends doesn’t mean that the spiritual communication has to end that that
37:36
relationship still continues you still feel things you still have things that
37:42
you would want to say or you know something you know my wedding day right
37:47
like my my siblings had a locket made um with my father’s picture and I wore that
37:52
on my wedding day and if someone would have said to me you know you can still talk to them and have that relationship
37:58
and that connection that probably would have helped me too but and some people have afterdeath communications that
38:04
really help them out that that dream that sense they’re in the house the smell and yeah but even if you don’t you
38:11
can rebuild that relationship it’s just a different lines and you have to figure it out and you can later yes me as a
38:20
child you can you great yes you are a great example of it’s never it’s never
38:26
over yeah yeah so Victoria I’m going to ask you now the lightning round
38:31
questions that I ask all my guests um what does a well-lived life
38:37
look like to
38:47
you feeling the love and support from the people around
38:53
you I think that is a reflection of what you are putting out in the
38:58
world and if you can feel that in return I think you’re doing all
39:04
right when you die what do you ex like hope to learn or
39:13
experience well I’ve come to the awareness as of
39:19
the last year just speaking with different mediums on my own podcast
39:26
and just other griever who’ve had shared their experiences with people who have
39:32
passed in their lives and if it’s like school like people are sharing with me
39:39
then I’m all for it like more school but
39:44
like that’s that’s how people describe it is like it’s it’s whatever lessons I
39:50
did not learn in the physical plane I will receive on the other side and um
39:57
[Music] it really is aligned with uh what I know
40:03
to be true about myself is that I I have a thirst for knowledge and
40:10
um and growth and so if that can continue I’m like yeah bring
40:18
it how do you think people should take care to be connected to their Consciousness or Spirit or
40:26
soul I think I think it’s a muscle that you have to flex I think it’s something that we have to make time for it’s not
40:33
something that’s just going to drop in your lap it’s um um I deepen my
40:40
spiritual um not even necessarily beliefs but just
40:45
like this connection or this um understanding that I am
40:53
supported I do have a a team and actually this has only become come around in the last six months three
41:00
months maybe even of feeling like and especially as an energy worker
41:06
like I I never doubted the connection I would feel with guests or guests with my
41:12
clients um things that would come in like drop into my mail slot like I would never
41:17
question it for them but when I was experiencing something I’d always question it for myself and I would
41:23
always my mind would always my monkey mind would always get in the way and to learn to just
41:30
trust for myself my own inner knowing for myself um that’s
41:37
really something that’s becoming new you never arrive you never fully arrive I
41:43
think it’s just a little by little bit by bit of discovering and um being open
41:51
to receiving and learning and growing and people who are developing their spiritual ability it’s it’s it’s sort of
41:58
this twofold thing of like figuring out their symbolic language but then that
42:04
that confidence in what they’re picking up you know that having having the trust
42:10
that yet yeah like Yeah and I don’t know if it’s just a if it’s part of repetition like having done it many
42:16
times and had it somehow validated but those are like the two things and it’s It’s tricky because it’s a very quiet
42:24
it’s not the same as like you write you fill out your test it’s scored and it comes back to you you know it’s a it’s a
42:29
little bit more um delicate and refined so profane question as I say
42:36
where can people find you and the work that you are doing I my website is probably the best
42:41
place the Unleashed heart.com I have links to my podcast grieving voices on there I have free resources I have a
42:48
free energy Quiz free um eBooks about grief different types of grief um uh yes
42:56
you’ve got guides got a lot of free guides for people so it’s not like big fat books these are they’re Punchy yeah
43:04
yeah so everything’s on there I’m on social too Instagram is usually my favorite place to be but also on
43:10
LinkedIn and Facebook YouTube I have a YouTube channel because my podcast um it
43:16
goes on YouTube as well final question is do you have any final like words or thoughts for the audience today if
43:24
you’re like me the worst is has already happened MH
43:30
and you can have you can choose to be empowered or you can choose
43:37
to allow those circumstances to dictate how your life goes moving
43:44
forward and I want people to know that there is hope
43:49
that you can live to your full potential that there is good waiting for
43:56
you and you got to meet your whatever you
44:04
believe God Universe spiritual guides your team whatever you just you got to
44:10
meet them halfway and that you do have that support and to cultivate self trust
44:17
and and you will be okay thank you so important thank you so
44:22
much for joining me today Victoria thank you for having me I feel like I went to a lot of different
44:29
places thanks for watching click to join us on another journey and don’t forget to subscribe
44:37
[Music]
