0:00
the picture that I have from the other side is that you are in such a pure form
0:07
of love that there is there is no guilt there is no forgiveness necessary
0:13
because you are in this space of pure unconditional love
0:23
[Music]
0:34
I’d like to welcome to the journeying soul Marie alessie how are you doing today Marie really good thank you I’m in
0:41
in such a good state in my life at the moment so I’m I’m in a really happy state right now so it’s really good um
0:48
we had just started with basically you know 2018 your husband Rob died of an
0:53
aneurysm and it was also you had to deal with something that a not a lot a lot of people have to deal with where you were
0:59
in and he was in Perth like he was and for people who don’t know Australia or just
1:05
don’t know the distance that they’re 5 hours apart by plane I think you said yeah exactly yeah so but your first in
1:12
you you kind of knew something was wrong before you got the call yeah yeah I knew something was
1:19
wrong because R was actually supposed to wake me up that morning there was something going on with my phone it didn’t update properly and he said plug
1:25
it in overnight and that was our final conversation you know we talked about love and collection and then that phone
1:32
thing came up and I said um you know like I I needed as an alarm the next day
1:37
and he said don’t worry bab I’ll wake you up and that phone call never came and
1:43
because Rob was always 100% reliable like when he says I call you at 7:30 he
1:49
would call at 7:30 and I remember waking up at 7:31 and I had this odd little
1:55
little nly feeling I was like there’s something something is different something’s wrong
2:01
but as a mom you get on with your day you’ve got two two kids to get ready for school one of them was even sick so I
2:06
had to look after him and um and he was staying home and then um all day all
2:12
morning I was just trying to text him call him couldn’t get in touch with him until about lunchtime when I had this
2:18
Epiphany and oh Rob always leaves the tiny where he’s staying with me so I
2:24
found the hotel I called the hotel I told them who I was that my husband was staying with them said please one think
2:30
I’m one of those stalking wives I just want to know that he’s okay he was supposed to call me in the morning and
2:35
then I said can you please send somebody up to his room to check on him because I have not heard from him all day and the
2:41
the second I said it I had such a miniature Vision like it was like a
2:46
split second where I saw him collapsing in a shower and I remember shaking my
2:51
head thinking don’t go there Marie don’t drive yourself crazy that’s just you know don’t go there but I still said it
2:57
to them I said and can you please check in a shower thought they must think I’m completely crazy to say things like that
3:03
but that’s where they found him he had a brain and arism in the shower and collaps and died yeah it’s a thing where
3:09
obviously you know you had the feeling in the morning but you do what we all do it’s like we’re rational it’s like this
3:15
is just a feeling I don’t have any proof that matches that yet but the feeling stayed with you you know I want to say
3:21
after Rob died you know you talk about like discussing with your sons
3:27
telling your sons and I thought you said you had the presence of mind to say the most brilliant thing I I wrote it down
3:33
you when you said to your son nothing is going to happen to you I will take care of you which really is Marie I mean you
3:42
must have been so distressed but that is the perfect answer for a child in that
3:48
moment and I mean you had the composure to to say it I mean I know you obviously
3:53
meant it too but I mean hats off to you because that’s not what thank you every parent is able to do and there’s nothing
4:00
wrong with those parents either it’s just has ever said that to me you know I really oh wow well when I read
4:08
well when I read your book it’s like you know I I was that was just something that struck me that it’s like if people
4:14
who’ve had that kind of loss could have a manual of how they’re supposed to handle it but you can’t you know like I
4:20
said it’s such a shock you had such a shock and you you managed to come out with like the right answer even even in
4:28
your W so um that was just like and then the other thing obviously that I we’re
4:34
we’re going to talk about this is what we want to dive into is how you took it from there um
4:41
you rob your story reminded me of somebody else that I interviewed I had
4:46
interviewed um this is a couple months ago a guy named Chris Cochran and his son Christian oh you know CHR I inter
4:54
him on my podcast so you know so his son Christian died at 23 and he wrot a book
5:00
called what’s good about today which was the question that like the thing that Christian said to him like well what’s
5:06
good during his illness what’s good about today you similarly had Rob had left you kind of with the instruction in
5:13
advance now he was not ill like Christian he had no idea but he said to you each morning when you wake up you
5:19
can choose to focus on the positive or the negative yeah he always said that to me it was like and I found that so
5:26
beautiful because Rob always said to me you’ve got chose choices babe I was his stain that you know got two choices babe
5:32
also saying that Rob was completely healthy till the day he passed there was no pre-warning a brain anism is
5:38
something so out of the blue but going back to the wtif conversation that was actually based on Rob coming home late
5:46
from work one day there was a 2hour det because there was a collision and we learned that a young dad had a Fronton
5:53
collision with a truck and died on the scene and his daughter was only 16 months old so we had this conversation
5:59
you know how would we deal with that what would I do if it happened to him what would he do if it happened to me
6:06
and the outcome of that conversation was pretty simple we were like we just want each other to create the happiest life
6:13
possible for the boys and ourselves like we really wanted the other person to
6:19
continue happiness because that’s what love is love just wants you to be happy
6:24
that’s that simple it’s not easy trust me but it’s that simple yeah I do want to talk about how you actually lived out
6:31
that choice because a lot of couples can have that conversation and
6:37
then if something happens like what happened to you it doesn’t mean you’re gonna actually pick it up and live that
6:44
out you know you can easily you know you you can you can spiral in so many ways
6:50
so you know tell me tell me more about how you really did pick that up I lost
6:58
my dad when I was 20 and I was not equipped not equipped at all to handle
7:04
that loss I was such a daddy’s girl I was so close to him and he died of
7:10
cancer so it happened really really fast but there was a little bit of a leadup I completely ignored it I did not
7:17
want to know I did not want to see the option of him passing actually I was absolutely holding on to he will make it
7:24
so it came as a massive shock to me and I had no support nobody knew how to handle brief nobody in my circle of
7:32
friends has ever lost the parent nobody has stealed with that before and I felt
7:38
completely lost in that loss it was really quite intense for me that journey
7:44
and over a year I felt like I was walking around like a I just wanted to say like a mental
7:50
zombie I don’t know if that’s inap if that’s inappropriate to call it like that but that’s how I felt well I mean
7:55
the thing is most people I mean grief is like a physiological thing it’s a you know you’re kind of not in your
8:01
right mind like it’s not uncommon tog things to get lost going to places you’ve gone so I can imagine you know
8:08
you had that first impact so please continue yeah yeah no no that’s I’m just saying you know so I had the loss of my
8:15
dad that was really really intense and hard for me to deal with I had my background in mindset coaching and I had
8:21
Rob who told me about two choices and I had those two beautiful boys they were
8:27
10 and eight and I looked at them when I think scrap that I
8:33
know telling my boys about their dad’s passing was by far the hardest thing I
8:39
ever had to do in my entire life it was really confronting and I had pretty much
8:45
no time to prepare there there is no sugar coating a message like your dad just passed you know it it’s just really
8:51
I had to say it straight out and I had 5 Seconds to prepare for that message as I
8:57
was walking down to the living room oh their little faces and the reactions it was really it was so gut wrenching but
9:03
in that moment where they crying and the screaming and the hugging and those promises happened it was a promise
9:10
straight from my heart I knew that what we had talk about that became my
9:16
lighthouse in my diap era it became my North Star take the kids for the
9:21
happiest life possible for them I had no idea how to do that in that very moment
9:27
but I knew that that’s where I will take them I had the direction and I thought once you know the direction that’s all
9:33
you hold on to and um I did that I did that without looking left and right
9:40
because I had people standing All Around Me shaking their heads going like what is she doing why is she’s so happy like
9:47
is she in denial you know she’s not breathing properly like a or even disrespectful I I had all sorts of
9:52
things around me I’m sure it’s like you’re coping too well they’re thinking you’re coping too well and you must be
10:00
did you not love him yeah yeah yeah now do you think and I hadn’t thought about this when I read your book but you
10:05
speaking to you now do you think you know you were you were like kind of twice the age of Flynn and Jed those are
10:11
your sons when their dad died but do you think that your prior experience losing your dad at 20 which isn’t that old do
10:18
you think that that also helped you knowing what they would want as kids or need as kids yeah in terms
10:23
of% 100% because I had all all the things what not to do I had all the
10:30
things what felt uncomfortable what felt unsupported and I knew that these are
10:35
all the things that we can put to the side because I know they don’t work they just make you feel horrible so I went by
10:41
what did I need what did I want I wanted to feel normal I did not want to be seen
10:47
as that you know the child I lost her dad I didn’t want sympathy one of the
10:52
biggest things for me was the condolences lines you know the my condolences it makes you feel so
10:59
excluded it makes you feel so alone and is there are words that feel so empty
11:05
although I know the meaning behind it they mean well I I want to believe
11:11
people mean well when they say that but it doesn’t feel well it does not feel great when you hear those words and in
11:18
particular not when you’re standing in a condolences line and you’ve got hundreds of people telling you that same sentence
11:23
over over again and then hug you squeeze the sentence into you it left me with such emptiness
11:29
it was such a horrible feeling so I thought that’s something that I’m going
11:35
to spare them so when we were sitting in this funeral office um and we were preparing for the funeral and you get
11:41
ask all these questions you know the flowers the coffin the everything it’s almost like when you’re sitting at a
11:46
funeral parlor it’s like you know do you want fries with that that that’s the sort of feeling that you get so do you
11:53
want to viewing do you want a condolences line and as soon as she said I said no and I was so I was almost a
11:58
bit you know surprised by how their mentally that no came out and the siblings looked at me and there was no
12:04
discussion there was no place for discussion but I knew that it would be a
12:10
big funeral there were about 500 people in a midweek funeral for Rob and I thought I cannot do this to my boys or
12:17
myself to have hundreds of people lining up and say my condolences to them that would have been a horrific experience
12:23
and I’m so glad to till today that I Spar them that experience it’s not a
12:30
nice one yeah wow I
12:36
mean I don’t know what to say Maria like hats off to you for having that that boundary because there is so much of um
12:44
you know the way we grieve today and has changed I mean it’s changed so much from
12:50
what it was a hundred years ago where you know people would prepare the grave and the body and dig their own grave and
12:57
I’m not saying that was a better way to do it but it we kind of went into like a Wilderness when things got handed over
13:03
and certain routines that were set up and not that I think that people how do
13:10
I say I mean I do think worldwi I don’t want to say worldwide but many Western countries and including Australia there
13:16
can be um you know we’re kind of surprised by death even though it’s
13:22
coming we don’t have a lot of discussion about it and how we do it so it’s like you can get put into a system where
13:29
these things happen and you at least you had some prior experience to say you know this little part of this this really isn’t helpful to the people who
13:35
are grieving so I mean it’s what else do you wish that people
13:42
knew about and let’s pivot to your area about widows being a widow
13:49
yeah I wish that people would learn to just sit in hold space people feel so
13:57
confronted and mostly uncomfortable with the topic of death dying widowhood
14:04
whatever like that whole realm of grief makes people feel very confronted and
14:10
uncomfortable um it’s been 6 and a half years for me at the day of recording
14:16
this that Rob passed away and still when I go to a party uh or some Gathering
14:21
where I haven’t met people before they don’t know my story and then the dreaded question comes so what do you do for
14:27
living and I still don’t have a way to say what I do without the
14:36
energy in the room dropping and I find that so sad because my energy doesn’t drop I love what I do I am so I’m really
14:44
really happy with the way I can help people through this you know because my focus is on healing my focus is on death
14:50
or on Grief or my focus is on healing how can we get you through this how can we um prepare a path for you where you
14:57
can feel comfortable and happy again we can allow happiness in that’s the work that I do but as soon as I say it people
15:03
still feel like it’s almost as if it was contagious oh if I talk about that then I’m confronted with my own mortality and
15:09
people don’t want to be confronted by that we all know we’re going to die everyone that’s the only thing we all have in common we get born and we die
15:16
that’s that’s the two things no matter what culture no matter where we come from or what we do we get born and we
15:21
die and yet it is so confronting for people and it is I I refer to it to
15:29
people as like as people are in the club or they’re out of the club like you’ve been if you’ve been touched by a loss
15:35
like you have like I have you’re in the club and as painful as it is as I mean
15:42
it makes your life richer as you go on you are in on some of the secret and
15:47
some of the meaning of life that you weren’t in on before and I I I don’t
15:53
know have the magic answer for communicating to people outside of the club who haven’t been initiated I don’t have it yet either because they do have
16:00
a little bit of that reaction like what you’re doing grief they just and you know there’s often that that moment
16:07
where they then say oh well I just don’t understand and I usually give them a really um a very lovely smile because it
16:15
comes straight from my heart and then I’ll say I’m glad you don’t and that usually settles it you know I’m really
16:22
glad when they don’t understand because it’s exactly what you just said you’re not in you know I should think about
16:27
your approach because I guess I’m a little bit more judgy about it because that is such a warm thing nice thing to
16:33
say I’m glad you don’t but to me it’s almost like talking to a child where it’s like you know you’re a child you
16:40
should still be a child like you don’t want to step on somebody’s innocence but I have a little bit more of a hard time I think when I’m dealing with somebody
16:46
who’s in their 60s or in their where I feel like you should know a little better a little a little something
16:53
that’s but that’s a nice and generous and warm thing to say I will try to adopt that
17:00
thank you I wanted to mention something else that I found lovely about you when you started to when you sort of resolved
17:09
to make a happy life for your kids P you know pursue happiness you um you made a
17:15
choice I wrote a note here that started with singing but also yeah but also moment
17:23
yeah yeah well tell me about it and then I’ll I’ll go on tell me about it I keep be super brief it was a moment because
17:29
um I I sing a lot and I sing a lot when I’m happy when I’m happy I sing that’s
17:34
just the way I am and I there was one song that I would always sing and often
17:39
sing to Rob and that was Lovers In The Air I love that song it was so us you know Rob and I were that couple yes you
17:46
met and you married after 10 months on the beach like it boom boom boom you two were for each other Met 10 months later
17:52
we were married it was absolutely incredible like I you know people always say when you know you know and I never knew what to do with that I’m like what
17:58
is that weird saying you know but yeah so that song Love is in the air was one
18:03
of our favorite songs and it was so us it was very very much us to the tea and
18:09
I remember a moment in the kitchen it was only a couple of months after R pass or maybe a few weeks it was really maybe
18:16
yeah very very early after and I remember I was cutting some vegetables I
18:22
was cooking lunch and I started singing this song came up for me in my mind and I started singing and my voice just left
18:29
me you know I I could feel like there’s nothing left in that song for me but
18:34
then there was this click that you’ve got two choices babe you know and I almost had to to laugh about it because
18:40
it was like you know are you going to stop singing now or what you know it was almost like a bit of a Rob was always
18:46
like we were always having a joke and a laugh together you know and there was this this moment where I felt like don’t
18:53
give up singing you know don’t give up singing now because that’s part of your choice to live a happy life and singing
18:59
for me was happiness so I remember I gave it my all to continue singing that
19:04
song it was definitely not with the same enthusiasm and strength that I usually
19:10
had but I did it and it was a very conscious decision in that moment to
19:16
continue singing Because if I don’t you know what choice do I make then and it’s not the choice that we had made for each
19:22
other so you know I’ve said to some you know I’ve said to some people in grief
19:28
like there is a point and uh it’s a different times for different people but there is a point where you have to make
19:34
a choice to sort of fake it till you make it like to to go out to the thing you wouldn’t go out to to start a new
19:41
type of tradition you do during the holidays to do something that even though it’s going to feel it doesn’t feel the same it doesn’t feel normal
19:48
even but you get to a point where you have to do that like in your case you know okay I’m gonna sing the song it’s
19:54
not the same but I’m I’m gonna resolve to do it yeah you also had made talk
20:01
about making um some choices in your in your book that I thought was another
20:07
thing that I thought was interesting which was you talked about embracing kind of the you you were
20:14
before do you know what I’m talk do you know what I’m referring to the reason I thought that was so interesting was
20:20
because I think for some people many people many people who’ve gone through a loss you don’t want to be the person you
20:27
were before because the person you were before was enabl to be shocked by this
20:32
loss like was like didn’t see something coming like was able to have this thing happened that they couldn’t control and
20:39
so you can kind of reject that person but you you you talk about making like
20:45
an effort to to bring that person in like you’re not shunning that person who didn’t know that this loss was going to
20:50
happen yeah the May is actually something that later on I turned into a
20:57
really beautiful exercise that I did at all of my Retreats and that I call that exercise embracing all of you and that
21:05
involves embracing the person that you were and all of those parts that you uh
21:12
really need to look at and go like okay everyone like listening to this right now you know think of all the paths that
21:19
make you you there’s the inner child there is the Adolescent there’s uh the
21:24
young adult in you the mom the dad the colleague the friend the sister the brother whatever you know there’s all
21:29
these parts of us um and then there is also in in terms of character character
21:35
traits you look at the you know what makes you you is it kindness is it jealousy is it like and then you can
21:42
look at all the parts and say what is it that you love about these parts you
21:47
don’t go in like which ones do I don’t like you go what is it that you love about these parts because that’s the
21:54
exercise of embracing all of you when you experience a loss you eventually
21:59
always get left with this question who am I after loss because yes life changes
22:05
all life changes but part of you is still the same you and has still got the same
22:11
needs and wants and dreams and then there is new parts coming in so it really is uh this whole exercise of
22:19
embracing all of you and that includes looking at the previous Parts at the new parts and looking into what do you like
22:25
about them so it’s a real heart opening and bracing exercise and I really love
22:31
that it’s it’s very powerful when we run that yeah mhm also tell me about the
22:38
color game you mentioned something the color orange well this was also curious to me
22:45
because I have to tell you for the last I’m gonna say it’s like two years I have completely been into orange and you just
22:51
mentioned it could be any color in this game but for you was orange I’ll just call the color orange because it’s my
22:56
favorite color a couple years ago I fell in love with orange I was always like a blue or girl or in that family and now
23:03
it’s like I totally dig on orange but just tell me about the game General so
23:08
said orange is a happy color so that’s you know I I I fully agree with that so I play that with the color orange only
23:15
because it’s my favorite and you listening to this can play that with any of your favorite colors so let’s just go
23:20
with orange for today so just pick one color for tomorrow let’s go
23:26
with orange and tomorrow I want you to spend the entire day picking objects
23:32
people anything that you see in the color orange really find as many things
23:37
as possible and write down a list but anybody playing this game they could pick they could pick blue to look for
23:43
green to look for any color yeah pick your favorite color just pick one color that’s that’s important don’t pick the
23:48
rainbow pick one color and go with that for an entire day so an entire day you spend like looking for orange oh I see a
23:55
little trinket box that I’ve got on my you know Place music and it’s like got like little orange on it anyway and then
24:01
I’ve got an orange highlight an orange pen and an orange business card and an orange star that my that my sister made
24:07
for me that I have to fix that’s why it’s laying here on my desk because it’s falling apart oh my lip BTM is even
24:12
orange you know so it’s like I see orange everywhere because I love orange and I I come up with a list and as I
24:20
said you know I picked like five five to 10 items in in a few seconds so you could easily pick a 100 in a day and
24:27
it’s not even about a number about to focus and then the next day we go through this list and your mind is
24:34
already um on this whole focus on the one thing that you want to see and that’s that’s the exercise you want to
24:41
focus on the one thing that you want to see and then the next day you replace the what you want to see with what you
24:47
want to feel what’s the one emotion that you’re missing most in your life right now you know and for some people that
24:53
might be healing for some people that might be uh excitement I just go with a very generic a very beautiful one and
24:59
that’s love so we all want to see more love we all need more love and especially when you have experienced a
25:04
loss that’s what you want to focus on and then the next day you you look at all things that represent love for you
25:12
you know that might be uh a mom hugging her baby that might be a a smile from a checkout cheick when you when you go to
25:18
your local supermarket that might be a friend coming over and giving you a hug you know love comes in so many different
25:24
shapes and forms yet it really represents something to you where you
25:30
train your mind to focus on what you want to see and when you focus on what
25:36
you want to see it’s not that you it’s the whole Letting Go process oh just let go of
25:42
that just let go doesn’t make sense you know how can people put the word just and letting go in one sentence if it was
25:49
that easy we would all do it so when we talk about letting go of something and
25:54
that can be hand inand with the grief the sadness when you don’t want to feel that you don’t go like how can I let go
26:00
after sadness how can I let go after sadness how can because your focus is on sadness so what do you want instead
26:06
instead I want love I want happiness I want lightness I want excitement well then let’s focus on that so you focus on
26:12
that and you’re like oh my God you know oh and you see brightness and happiness and excitement and love everywhere
26:17
because you start focusing on that do you think about letting go of sadness while you do that no but it happens
26:24
along the way and that’s how you let go it took me I kid you not decades to
26:30
learn that and once I had learned it it became so easy like why didn’t I do that
26:35
all my life it took me literally two or three decades to actually learn that lesson of how to just let go that’s one
26:43
of those life skills where you have a mind but nobody really
26:49
teaches you how to drive it you know how do you like and you’re talking about like a reframing or redirecting exercise
26:56
and most of us get I mean this is very normal I mean a lot of people have found
27:02
different ways to work out of it but it’s very normal to have people thinking like I don’t want to feel this way I
27:08
don’t want to you know whether it’s anxious about money or a relationship or a loss or or you’re just you realize you
27:15
wake up in the morning and you feel depressed and you felt depressed yesterday and you’re like I don’t want to feel depressed it’s hard to turn that
27:21
into focusing on how you want to feel so yeah but our subconscious mind does not
27:28
understand the word don’t that’s why the focus is still on the things that you don’t want you know when you say I don’t
27:35
want to feel depressed all that your subconscious understands is depressed so the focus is automatically on the things
27:41
that you don’t want and that’s why I find it so important to say what do you want instead you oh I don’t want to feel
27:48
yeah yeah I get what you don’t want but what do you want to feel instead and people are so trained to work from this
27:55
away from motivation AKA I don’t want this anymore I don’t want to be poor
28:01
anymore I don’t want to grieve anymore um well what do you want instead oh I
28:07
want to feel abundant I want to feel rich I want to feel loved I want to feel happy I want to feel light I want to feel excited and like even just saying
28:13
that you know I can feel my energy PR up because my focus is on what I want and
28:19
yeah it’s a thing we talk about a lot in manifestation that it’s like exactly your your brain does not understand
28:24
don’t it just understands the thing you’re looking at or the thing you’re feeling or obsessing about or whatever
28:31
it’s like you eliminate something by thinking about it more yeah for sure all
28:38
right switching topics just a little bit um I wanted to talk about the signs you got from Rob which some people would
28:44
call afterdeath Communications you had a couple of things there was a thing with the TV and then there was a thing with I
28:50
want to get the time right 126 I forgot about so tell me about the TV tell me
28:56
tell me the TV one first though the TV very quick one and it was so so intense
29:01
um it was at the very first Retreat that I ran and it got late it was about I don’t know maybe 12:3 1:00 and I said to
29:09
the ladies I’m going to bed I said you know I’m not your Babys here at all I
29:15
didn’t use those words but along those lines you know you can stay up but be mindful we have a big day ahead of us
29:20
tomorrow so I would suggest that you you may wrap it up soon as well something along those lines I made it in a sort of
29:26
chalky funny way we all went to bed um and I heard the noise getting less and
29:31
less and but then I drifted off into sleep at 3 3:30 in the morning I can’t
29:37
remember the exact time but it was around 3: 3:30 I woke up it was loud and
29:43
I went out into the living room and it was really scary because we’re staying in this house it’s not my home I don’t
29:50
you know I rented this really beautiful big house for for the retreat and I come into the living room and I’m thinking
29:57
what on Earth why are they still are partying at like 3:00 3:30 in the morning the music was blaring and I walk
30:03
in and the television was on and there was this massive television in the living room and there was some music
30:10
channel on and it had the word breathe in huge letters all over the the
30:16
television and the text message that I got was from one of the ladies when the retreat that she said I can’t turn the
30:22
television off it just went on nobody switched it on the television turned on
30:27
and the middle of the night out of the blue and nobody knew how to switch it off there was no remote control we we
30:33
couldn’t find a remote control or did we find it and it didn’t work I don’t know so no nobody knew how the television
30:39
went on and nobody knew how to switch it off it was such a beautiful but weird thing and of course the next day
30:45
everybody was like oh that was my husband oh that was my husband so funny so we made a light choke out of it but
30:51
it was really I don’t know who I still have no idea how the television just turned on so and tell me about 12
30:58
6 yeah 126 was a big one for me and still is because I started waking up at
31:05
126 a.m. every night after I passed for weeks I’m I’m saying like five six weeks
31:12
every single night 126 on a dot it was never a minute before or after and every night I looked at the clock thinking why
31:19
on Earth am I waking up at 1: 126 so I started Googling it and I thinking you know angel numbers 126 and it said
31:25
something about big New Beginnings I’m like well die my husband passed but it still didn’t feel like that’s the
31:30
message I’m like that’s odd but I posted that what I found on Facebook as you do and I’m like I just can’t get it but
31:37
what is it with the 126 and one of um the ladies in town that I know so yeah
31:43
she sent me a private message and she said 126 Marie can’t you see it and I said no I can’t what is it and she said
31:49
it’s the 12th of June 126 12th of June and that’s the day my my husband died
31:55
and I’m like oh my God how could I have not seen that I am such a numbers person
32:01
I’m always into numbers I see numbers and connections and all of that and my brain works in numbers and this is why I
32:07
strongly believe that Rob’s communicating to me through numbers you know I’m not one of those you know my
32:12
husband’s communicating to me but I could see numbers all the time and in particular when I had to make decisions
32:17
or whatever I would see a number one to six somewhere or 12 or six it was always a number 12 mainly or 12 six and I’m
32:25
like wow and when I real what it was that night I woke up at 12:06 and I
32:32
looked at the clock I’m like haha very funny I get it now you know and it was almost like a bit of a h she got the
32:39
message 12:06 it’s 126 you know and I’m like oh my God and I went back to bed cuz I had to
32:46
quickly go to the bathroom and I went back to bed and I snuck in between the boys they were sleeping with me for the first N9 months or so after Rob died and
32:54
I look over at the clock again and it’s at 12:09 and that was the moment and I
32:59
know you can make all this up in your mind I get it but this is obviously how my mind works and it was the moment
33:05
where I felt you connected with my dad CU my dad passed on the 12th of September so it was a 12:06 and 12:09
33:12
that I saw that day and I’m like you met my dad because they never met you know my dad passed when I was 20 so Robin my
33:20
dad never met yet they were so alike I always said I wish you could meet my dad
33:25
and it was like okay you guys met now you know you’ve connected and yeah I still there’s hardly ever a day where or
33:34
a week I should say where don’t see 12 six or 12 or6 somewhere it’s
33:40
ongoing I just want to offer you let me offer you two things in this vein um I
33:45
had done a film called the grief monomyth this is like 10 years ago and there was a woman that I interviewed and I can’t remember what the meaning of 105
33:53
was but she had a similar thing where the clock kep showing 105 105 105 so
34:00
that happens and also you know a thing that happens for mediums and people developing their abilities but also when
34:07
you lose somebody and you’re reestablishing that relationship is whether you’re becoming a medium or or
34:13
it’s a personal thing for you you have to develop or you wind up developing your own personal like symbolic language
34:21
like there’s different things that come through that are Clues to you like that’s a thing that yeah Rob is with you
34:27
going hey babe you know yeah well done you’ve done your first yeah it’s it
34:33
really felt like that I’m like oh thanks babe yeah and it’s so it’s so wonderful when you get that because some people
34:39
you know I mean I’m not you know some people want to have the goodbye dream or they want and they’re just not they’re
34:44
just not able to like they’re not in general they’re not like spiritually oriented or they’re not they don’t have
34:49
that open um that open Vibe and that’s not a judgment of those people just not everybody gets it but a lot of people
34:56
who many people do and many people who also are not very spiritually oriented
35:01
wind having that experience were like I don’t know what the hell that was and I’m never telling anybody about it but
35:07
they have it happened so I’m glad you’ve got you know your 126 and your 129 codes
35:13
and the thing too that makes that personal to you in a way is that when you were saying 126 I’m like that
35:19
doesn’t mean anything here that’s December six it’s the opposite as you know up here so it means it means
35:26
something to you so yeah so Marie I did want to just ask a qu some questions
35:32
just if you want to talk about it before I go on what I call my final lightning round of questions you know you
35:38
specifically at at at some point in your work um have done speaking and talking
35:46
and about widows and how widows in particular you’re a young Widow I mean I do think there’s a little bit of a
35:51
difference between the way older widows are welcomed when everybody’s husbands
35:56
at the same time you know there’s this part of life like my mom is 84 she is not the only Widow around but as a
36:03
younger Widow what do you wish that people knew
36:08
about younger widows if you want to talk about this today I think oh yeah no no absolutely like that’s that’s why I’m
36:15
did my tedex talk redefining our image of a widow because I feel when we when we talk about Widow as you said you know
36:21
we usually when you hear the word Widow you think of an older person wearing black and her life’s over basically you
36:27
know that’s how they are treated you know oh now you welcome to that club you know it’s another club it’s a different
36:32
Club yes and uh it’s almost like so this is the end of the road sort of sort of thing you know and I I was certainly not
36:40
at the end of my road when I was 45 I was at the beginning of another big road ahead of me that I wasn’t even aware of
36:46
at that stage and it comes back to what what I said um earlier in our
36:52
conversation about I wish people would learn to just hold space people feel
36:57
feel like they need to give advice and that’s how we are trained you know
37:03
somebody’s hurting we want to help I’m I’m buil like that too somebody’s hurting I want your help yet I have
37:08
learned that I’m not helping when I shower them with advice that might not be helpful for them yeah I think also a
37:15
lot of people in vacuum what I learned because my I had a father and sister who are both sick for a really long time so
37:22
even before they died there was this thing going on where I feel that a lot of people say things to you
37:28
to make them feel better about themselves it’s almost like you’re not there like they’re saying something to you as a widow that makes them feel
37:35
learned and handle they giving yeah but anyway I’m sorry I interrupted please no
37:40
no no please don’t uh it is really like that people feel the need to say something to make you or themselves or
37:46
both feel better you know and the most helpful things that I’ve ever experienced in my entire Journey was
37:53
people who would come and sit with me and really hold that space for me without feeling the need
37:59
to say something to make me feel better or have to give me advice um the worst
38:06
things for me were those showering me with their stories of like oh yeah my sister lost a husband so that’s why you
38:12
know how I feel do you know what I mean I became very standoffish when people told me about it I’m like I am dealing
38:19
with a major loss in my life and all you have to do is tell me about another loss
38:25
how how is this helping me this this is not help me at all I I was like I got so
38:31
overwhelmed with people wanting to share their death stories with me I’m like why on Earth do you think this is helping me
38:37
I’m dealing with a major loss here and you are putting a little bit more on top and this is not this is not my my plate
38:43
here can you just I mean this is my plate can you put it on somebody else’s plate sort of you know so I found that
38:49
very disturbing and it seems to be such a norm when you tell somebody that you
38:55
lost a husband they all come with their death stories it’s like me I’ve talked to so many people
39:04
you know grief is a big theme of my show and I you know you’re saying something that I’ve heard from other people I mean
39:10
the one that sticks out to me the most is this guy Thomas Brown his brother had died by Suicide and he took this bike
39:16
across the country wrote a really great book about it yeah but you know he we’re a small little group we haven’t
39:23
connected yet but he’s he’s just sent me his message and yeah oh his his book is fantastic I’m a huge fan of his book but
39:30
you when we were talking about what do you want people to know it was exactly that same thing like just let somebody
39:36
be a ball of Tears or distress just hold space for them just be there for them
39:42
and let them be however they’re going to be without comparing notes without telling them how it’s going to be think
39:49
just just it’s a a it’s not that you don’t say anything but you don’t need to
39:54
say a lot it’s just the presence of being there for somebody and and that’s exactly it I just want to pick you up on
40:01
what you just said because it’s so perfect it’s so perfect people often say I don’t know what to say perfect that
40:07
itself is exactly what you can say that’s exactly what you can say when you don’t know what to say say that to
40:12
people I just don’t know what to say or I’m lost for words you know you don’t need to say anything at all you can just
40:18
listen if you don’t know what to say just listen that’s always my my favorite yeah especially because somebody in
40:24
grief like really in the throws of it it also Chang changes from minute to minute like the thing you could say this minute
40:30
it might be different in a half an hour you know with oh yeah different stuff going through so it’s just you know
40:36
people need the kid gloves and um and the space to know just to know that people are there so Marie I’m gonna
40:43
bring you to the lightning round the final round of questions I ask all my guest and you know answer as you feel
40:50
fit and say pass if you don’t wanna that’s how it goes okay
40:55
[Laughter] so what does a well-lived life look like to
41:01
you oh I’d say flexibility uh for me it’s
41:07
like living in absolute abundance and I’m not just necessarily talking money here I’m talking freedom of time
41:14
flexibility to be with the kids and just really having Rich experiences for me
41:20
it’s all about experiences in life this year the birthday is where all of about experiences it’s always like what can we
41:26
buy you what can we buy you well what experiences can we create for you and and the boys loved it absolutely loved
41:32
it that I changed it up this year and our life is so short in a in a big
41:37
scheme of things you know no matter how old you get our life is really short actually so for me it’s about um
41:43
experiencing joy and really that full hearted amazingness that we can
41:49
experience on Earth yeah yeah you’ve got two teenage boys now so there is stuff
41:54
to go out and romp around in the world yes so what what do you ex suspect
42:02
excuse me what do you suspect is the true nature of
42:07
reality that’s a really deep question I think that could go for another hour um I I think it’s really what we make it
42:16
to be you know reality is such a bizarre concept it’s it’s like something we can’t even touch it is something that we
42:22
use in the English language or in any language really in their words um to talk about something that we can’t
42:29
put a word to it’s really we can’t even grasp it how how huge and how
42:35
undefinable it is I think it’s really what you make of it yeah create our own reality how do
42:43
you think that people should take care to be connected to their Consciousness or their soul how should people take care of that
42:50
did you say yeah to be connected to their Consciousness or soul I asked this you know somewhere in our conversation
42:55
let me just digress that you know I interviewed um a guy named Tim Cronin who’s from Australia also and um he’s
43:02
like a meditation Master he teaches meditation and strangely like right like
43:07
prior to my interviewing him he had just lost both his parents very close together wow and you know I didn’t know
43:14
this was going on this sort of came up in the course of the interview um because we were talking about another project of his but I felt that in some
43:21
ways you know the fact that he was he had been meditating for so long like he when we were talking about his grief
43:27
because of course when I found out about it I was like well let’s talk about it he had said that you know in his moments
43:33
of meditation he was able to get to a place where he felt his love for them and it
43:39
softened his grief because like it became like a grief of appreciation for
43:45
the love that that he had and I thought wow you know that was something that was like the first time in a way that I
43:51
would say that I saw somebody who really had a spiritual practice like such an ongoing thing that in the moment of like
43:58
Crisis and loss it like it you know it was helping him out very quickly like
44:03
this was almost within I don’t want to get it wrong but I want to say it was in the first month or so he was able to have that softened thing so that’s why I
44:10
asked in general like what do you think not even just for grief but just for living if you’re you know how should
44:16
people how do you think people should take care to be connected to that like I said I love that you just
44:23
shared that story because I actually started um for quite some time I did um breath
44:30
work sessions with my beautiful soul brother Pao and he held space like no
44:36
other and we every time we went into these breath work sessions I got to uh so I had this
44:45
vision of a really big lake and I was standing on one side of the lake and Rob was on the other side of the lake and
44:51
almost every time when I went into breath work I saw Rob at that Lake and
44:58
he almost every time uh was wearing all white that’s what we wore for our
45:03
wedding we had a be wedding at the beach and Rob and I were both in white linen and he walks over to me and how symbolic
45:10
is that he walks over from the other side of the lake and sat with me and in this sitting together it was almost like
45:16
we had a billion conversation without even sharing a word it was just that being together and and it was like a
45:23
conversation without any words spoken and that gave me so much guidance and support in my parenting in my decisions
45:30
that I had to make in life and that became like a spiritual practice for me
45:35
that was really really important and when I shared that with Pao he’s like oh it feels like you’ve you found a space
45:42
between the Realms where you and Rob catch up and I love that so much how he put that because that’s exactly how it
45:48
felt and for me it is really about creating space to sit to be to feel
45:55
because we need that pause moment we need that Stillness to actually really
46:01
look after ourselves and nurture ourselves and I love that you ask me that because only yesterday I wrote my
46:06
newsletter about hitting the pause button that was the the the title of the newsletter and it was exactly about that
46:12
you know the spiritual practice for me it can be anything for anyone but for me it has a lot to do with just being in
46:19
the moment and taking that pause and sit with that and I feel there’s so much
46:25
healing that happens in that space space in that Stillness and that just being of course when we have the intention
46:32
without any intention of feeling that pause can be very negative can be very scary to sit in the Stillness um so yeah
46:39
your intention and taking the time for it that’s really how I feel that you
46:44
need to nurture or how I nurture my soul and my spiritual practices yeah yeah
46:50
that’s it beautiful and you know you also I had an interview just earlier today where I was speaking with a woman
46:57
this is this was wasn’t about grief it was just about um Spiritual Development in general and one of the things we want
47:04
to talking about was the fact that you know having these practices it doesn’t mean you transcend everything like that
47:10
it’s not like nothing will ever affect you you won’t ever feel pain you won’t ever feel grief of course you will but
47:17
it really does it it is it is a help it really is a help I mean your breath work
47:25
Tom cronin’s you know meditation there are things you can do that can prepare you and not just for like a loss
47:30
of of a loved one but just for so many things in life so but speaking now going to loss so when you die is there
47:39
anything you hope to learn or discover I mean you’ve had contact with Rob so you
47:44
know there’s something going on on the other side so I
47:51
really I don’t want to say look forward to because it feels so weird when I say that but I had many conversations with
47:57
the boys of course as well about the you know now that they’re older in
48:02
particular we talk very openly about that what happens when you die and what
48:07
would happen to them when I go and I said to them both I have full faith in
48:14
you that you are okay I have full faith in you that you will be there for each other that you will support each other
48:21
what I have not experienced yet of course because I haven’t died yet is how
48:27
would feel to be on the other side and look after your loved ones that you leave behind because Rob’s doing that I
48:32
can feel that I can feel his presence uh people often say like oh you must feel him all the time my focus is not so much
48:39
on Rob’s presence or not presence anymore it is almost something that is a given is always there my focus is on
48:46
living our life here on Earth I’m I’m not pretending that oh you know could just just because RS on the other side
48:54
helping us guiding us being there um uh that this becomes our soul Focus my soul
48:59
focus is here on Earth because this is my Earthly experience my Earthly journey and my focus is on on my boys our boys
49:07
and myself however the being on the other side the picture that I have from the
49:14
other side is that you are in such a pure form of
49:21
love that there is there is no guilt there is no forgiveness necessary because you are in this space of pure
49:28
unconditional love and to be supporting our boys I like assuming that I go
49:35
before them from the other side and showering them with that love with that Guidance with that presence that must be
49:42
an incredible feeling for all of us involved you know because one thing I’m
49:49
absolutely certain of because I feel it we instill that in them and we build
49:54
that is the really de connection that we have the four of us together and I’m
50:01
absolutely convinced and know that this connection still exists when you pass
50:06
yeah it’s funny I a conversation was having just this morning I was talking about the fact that you know I’m curious
50:14
It’s like my feeling is not at all dread about when I die it’s like a
50:19
curiosity like I really do want to know but I mean I have work to do here like I’m here I’m I’m not planning on going
50:26
there’s work to do but on the other side but on the other hand it’s like whenever that happens you know hey that’s a whole
50:33
other deal that I do not have any dread or apprehension about it’s like it’s there’s some groovy things I’m looking
50:40
forward to that I I will find out about just experiencing that unconditional
50:45
love will be amazing I I just want to add one more thing very quickly I had uh I now call it a spiritual Epiphany only
50:53
very few weeks after after Rob died I had this spiritual Epiphany where I had
50:59
this moment of wow we we chose this this is our soul contract we have chosen this
51:08
and it helped me so much in my Acceptance in my healing in my dealing with Rob’s passing and that to me is
51:17
something I delved deeper and deeper into you know we all have soul contracts in life but there are some that are way
51:23
bigger and other ones that are just little contracts you know where you might have um I don’t know a conversation with a
51:29
stranger on the street or whatever I truly believe that we all have soul contracts we all have messages for each
51:34
other and we all just walk each other home you know I don’t know who said that but I that really always resonated with
51:40
me we all just are here to walk each other home and that’s lovely that is really beautiful yeah yeah I love that
51:48
so where can people find you and the good work that you’re doing oh thank you so much I think the easiest is just to
51:55
go on my way website which is Maria ali.com or go on YouTube which is YouTube marys.com so
52:03
yeah I think YouTube does it differently youtube.com yeah they put FR now yeah
52:10
yeah I’m everywhere under my name really and you can just go on my website and there are all the connections that you
52:16
need and uh feel free to book a chat with me and reach out and we can have a conversation if you like so yeah okay
52:23
and any final words for the audience today
52:29
the final words I would say just you know trust your heart and if you don’t
52:34
know what to say and just say that it’s fine if we can all learn to just be
52:39
there for each other and hold that space that is such a gift and I would want
52:46
that for anyone who’s going through adversity to just have people around them to just be there without having to
52:53
that feeling of I need to shower you with advice so yeah that’s my final words really
53:00
okay well thank you for being on show Marie thank you you’re
53:06
welcome thanks for watching click to join us on another journey and don’t forget to subscribe
53:13
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