1020 June K. Collins

In this poignant episode of The Journeying Soul, we speak with June K. Collins, author of “Momma You Don’t Heal”. We discuss honoring loss, child loss awareness, and child loss support as June opens up about the profound loss of her son Kaleb and how she actively keeps his legacy alive. She shares her journey of finding inspiration, rebuilding her life, and discovering new purpose in the face of unimaginable grief. June also offers her heartfelt advice to other parents navigating child loss, emphasizing that they are not alone and healing is possible. Join us for this powerful and moving conversation.

Where to Find Our Guest🕵️‍♂️

FACEBOOK: @womensurvivingchildloss.

Instagram: @authorjunekraholik

Linkedin: @authorJuneKraholik

TikTok: @theserenitydreamer

📕Read More by June

Momma You Don’t Heal

Whispered Promises (as June Kraholik)

Sip and Support the Journeying Soul. Get the Emerson Paraphrase mug inspired by Joe’s answer to our lightning round questions.

More About Our Guest

June Kraholik is a mother, and author. June Kraholik’s life was irrevocably changed in 2012 when she lost her 2-year-old son, Kaleb. Finding herself at a crossroads, June embarked on a journey of healing and self-discovery. She became intrigued by the mind and its abilities. She began studying and became a Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programing, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. As she moved through her own child loss, she started a Facebook group @womensurvivingchildloss, to help Mommas struggle with their own loss.

Through her struggles with child loss and helping other women in their child loss journey, she wrote her first book, Momma You Don’t Heal. Within the book, she discusses the raw emotion of child loss and the roller coaster of feelings that come with it. she helps lead women through the beginning stages of their loss and helps them start to rebuild their life.

During this journey, she found solace in writing, which became a therapeutic outlet. Through this creative process, June realized it’s power in healing and the profound impact her storytelling could have on others.

Since the release of her first book, she released her second book, Whispered Promises and is expected to release her third book The Serenity Dreamer in June of 2025.

Transcript

0:00
as long as you keep their legacy alive then they’re always going to be with you the only time that your child’s not with
0:05
you is when you try to lock them away and not talk about them
0:25
anymore june K collins is the author of Mama You Don’t He Heal and Mother
0:31
Tibella a daughter and to Caleb her young son now on the other side watch as
0:37
June describes how she honors Caleb every day so he is not forgotten and how she found inspiration to rebuild and
0:44
find new purpose in life and how you can too i’d like to welcome to the
0:49
Journeying Soul June K collins how you doing today June doing good good so um I
0:57
just wanted to start by asking like how are you doing these days i know it’s been some years since Caleb died but
1:03
your book only you just did your book a couple of years ago so how are you doing these days i I try well the way that I
1:09
try to live my life is like I’ve already lived my worst day so you know even when I’m having those bad days I’m like well
1:15
it’s not as bad as that day was so you know that’s that’s kind of how I do it and lots of laughs and I don’t know it’s
1:22
just a new it was a different different turn of events for me you know cuz you’re a mom and you’re like “Okay I’m
1:27
going this direction as a special needs mom and then so you know um it’s just a
1:32
different different way that I thought my life was going to I thought I was going one way and then it just is a
1:38
different way now.” You know we all go through these things in life where you are one type you’re a person and then
1:45
things happen and you become a different person and like even before Caleb I mean you said in your book this is what I think really speaks to this is that you
1:53
when you were you had Caleb when you were around 28 or decided to have you never you said you never thought you
1:58
were going to have kids like you know it was like that was you were that was the person you were and then I think you
2:05
said your grandfather died and that changed something for you died and I was
2:10
like you know I’m not my parents aren’t going to ever see my kids if I don’t have kids you know because they were
2:16
getting older and around here where I live you’re talking you know early 20s they’re having kids you know and you
2:22
know I was going into my 30s so that was a big thing for me and then I decided I
2:28
was going to be a mom you know and then I wasn’t a mom you know and it’s like well am I still a mom even though my my
2:35
child is in heaven you know or what I call heaven and then um you know and
2:40
then it was like okay I’m not having any more kids and then it was like oops here’s here’s you know your daughter you
2:47
know and um so then I was a mom again so it’s crazy it’s alternative events can I
2:54
ask you just to tell people a little bit of the story of what happened you know
3:00
Kale you you had Caleb when you were 28 and he had and the delivery was difficult yeah i had a complete
3:07
placental abruption and um when I when I had that complete placental abruption
3:12
and they blew it at the hospital like they didn’t you know you had called them when you started having issues and well
3:19
then the day of the night that all this happened um I was in there doing a stress test and they did a sonogram on
3:27
me and then they sent me home because it was Thanksgiving eve and everybody was getting ready for Thanksgiving
3:33
and um you know I mean it is what it kids but that’s what happened and um we
3:38
all get like that when holidays come up you know we’re kind of scatterbrain and um I went home went to sleep cuz I was
3:44
tired i was feeling really really tired woke up to go to the bathroom at 10:00 at night and that’s when I call the hell
3:51
started you know um I didn’t know what was going on but that’s what I had i ended up having a complete placental
3:57
abruption so like my he totally tore away from my wall and he wasn’t breathing and this started I know that
4:05
when I got up it was like 10:30 and they didn’t pull him they didn’t cut me open and pull him out until 1:00 so I believe
4:14
in something other than us here on earth um for me it’s God for other people it’s other things and um they were with us
4:22
that day because I had lost three and a half pints of blood and they say the percentages of placental abruptions and
4:28
babies or mamas living are are slim to none and we both lived so um I you know
4:35
it’s the turn of events was was kind of crazy the whole the whole thing was was
4:40
really crazy but you know um yeah that’s kind of how it happened there was
4:45
another thing in your book that really um in describing when when Caleb died
4:51
that I was thought oh boy you know it was just like another layer of of stuff
4:57
to deal with you’re a law enforcement officer yeah yeah and
5:03
um when you got to the hospital with Caleb now this is after his birth you know after he’s been home with you um at
5:10
one point they said to you that they were going to um bring in the investigators or you had to speak with the investigators alicia yeah alicia
5:18
yeah and you knew that that meant that Caleb was gone
5:23
but your husband did not no my husband and my parents my because my dad came down here after all of it because they
5:29
used to live right in front of us they didn’t know what was going on i knew what was going on and obviously all the
5:35
law enforcement that I knew that was here knew what was going on yeah how did you I just can’t imagine like that was
5:42
the one thing where I was like you know some How did you manage to keep that
5:47
inside and and not say anything when Yeah i I to this day I think I reverted
5:55
back to my law enforcement because I did exactly when when my ex-husband told me
6:02
that he wasn’t breathing I did exactly what you do you dial 911 throw the phone down law enforcement is coming cuz here
6:09
if you dial 911 they’re coming so I knew to throw down the phone i knew to grab
6:14
them off the bed um to get a a sturdy surface to do CPR and I just started
6:20
doing CPR on them and um anyway when EMS finally got there I went and I got his
6:26
medication and my dad walked in asked me what was going on and I was like “Everything’s going to be okay.” I think
6:32
that’s how I got through it and then as for and I was very I was really calm i I
6:38
just And I’m very calm in in bad situations anyway but um I was just very
6:43
calm very nonchalant and me and one of the officers were actually talking about I know he’s dead you know like we were
6:50
talking back and forth and he was just like “Oh well be you know be positive.” D and then obviously when we went to the
6:57
hospital I tried to explain it to my husband at the time Brian is Caleb’s
7:02
dad’s name and he was like “Oh be positive don’t you know don’t say that
7:07
he’s going to be fine.” And I just I just shut my mouth i was like “I can’t do this i’m someone else is gonna have
7:13
to tell him.” Of course not i mean because you’re like I’ve been on the job i know exactly what they’re saying exactly what I’ve said or have had to
7:20
say or would have to say when they said Alicia was coming like I knew cuz that’s what she did i knew I knew that yeah
7:29
um just a little personal thing I wanted to mention you know Caleb died on the first day of spring and my father had
7:35
also died on the first day of spring so I was like “Oh like to me that was like part of my healing stuff is like you
7:41
know he came into this world on Thanksgiving the year that he was born you know and I was thankful that we
7:46
lived and then like he went out on spring which is you know everybody’s ready for spring they’re tired of winter
7:51
so you know it’s a positive day yeah and then that’s what I thought about my dad my dad was born on Halloween and died on
7:58
the first day of spring and I was like that’s it’s a good day to go to the next next world I think so Oh yeah so you had
8:06
Can you tell me the the deer story yeah so after every obviously this happened
8:12
in the middle like four o’clock in the morning by the time we got home it was like daylight and I when I got home I
8:20
went to Caleb’s room and then afterwards it was just like so quiet and everything
8:26
so I kind of went outside and I just sat on the porch and I was just staring into the hayfield that’s across from us and
8:33
when when I was staring into the hayfield there was like a deer that came from the right side and kind of came
8:39
across and it just it kind of stopped there and um probably about 50 feet in front of me and I stared at it and it
8:46
stared at me and we just didn’t say nothing and then I say she but she walked on into the the woods on the
8:53
other side of my house to the left and I took it as a sign just because yes we
9:00
have deer out here but they they’re never that close you know they’re they’re scared um so I had that incident
9:06
happen like right after it happened and then I want to say within like two weeks of him dying i had a dream about him and
9:14
my biggest thing when he died was nobody can take care of him like I
9:20
can take care of him you know not even God or anybody and that was like my biggest fear is he getting everything he
9:26
needs because he was special needs yeah and I went to sleep one night and I had a dream about him and it was a very very
9:34
short dream or what I remember is very short but I remember being in a field and he ran to me and he wrapped his arms
9:41
around my leg and he looked up and he smiled and I I guess it was like a big significance to me because he was in a
9:48
wheelchair he couldn’t he couldn’t walk um he could smile but when he looked up
9:53
at me um when he looked up at me he wasn’t wearing his glasses and he had cortical blindness and he had to have
9:59
them to see and it was just like to me it was like a sign of like you know hey I’m okay i’m going to be okay and um I I
10:07
I think that helped it it helped um it helped a lot i think I’ve had loved ones
10:12
who have died i’ve had those dreams i’ve spoken to a lot of people have those dreams it’s so important when you’re you
10:19
know when you’ve lost someone you want to know that they’re okay and when you have a dream like that and you see that
10:25
oh you know I guess this makes sense they’re not in their body anymore so now they can see fine now they can run like
10:30
that they’re really really okay that they’re better than they were here in some ways as much as we miss them it’s
10:36
like you know my father when he died he died of Parkinson’s disease and he was ill with that for such a long time and
10:42
to to know that it’s like he’s not trapped in that condition anymore dayto day yeah and you know for Caleb that’s
10:48
that’s wonderful and so also you um had some things with cardinals also yes yeah
10:54
so um like I said my mom’s house is like right in front of ours and I used to when they lived here when my mom was
11:00
still alive um I would go up there and see them every day and it was just it
11:06
was a thing because Caleb was special needs he passed away and then I did the same thing with my daughter when they
11:11
were around and so I would park up there and you know I would always ask you know
11:17
for signs you know like give me a sign or whatever and I I had the cardinal would get come down and get on my mirror
11:25
and um he would peck at the peck at the window and then jump back to the the mirror then peck at the window and then
11:31
jump back at the mirror wow um you know they usually don’t cardinals usually don’t do that no and obviously he
11:37
couldn’t see my window tent was dark so he couldn’t see me but um he was there
11:43
and then other times um Bella is my daughter’s name and I would be walking up the porch and we would hear the
11:50
pecking and we would turn around and he would be doing it on the passenger side and um so I’ve seen a lot of that and
11:58
then at one point in um it had been years after he died but I
12:04
could look out my kitchen window and there was just I don’t know what they were eating but there was tons of
12:10
cardinals in the bushes um by the woods and you know it’s just something you don’t see all the time and I’m like okay
12:16
it’s a sign I’m going to be okay you know you don’t think you’re going to be okay you think you know like it’s the end of the world and you know for the
12:23
most part it’s it’s a total you change you you completely change I mean it is the end in the sense that whoever you
12:30
were before you’re not that person and you can’t you can’t be that person so
12:35
Yeah you have to become something someone else and then I’ve I’ve also had
12:41
the um the dragonflies like I I’ve sat when I was actually writing that book um
12:48
I was I would sit outside by the pool a lot um and watch my daughter swim and I would write on my phone i’d be either
12:54
dictating it into my phone or writing it and I’ve had I had a dragonfly sit down
13:01
on the chair that the plastic part of the chair and I stuck my hand out and he got on my finger and he was just there
13:06
and I took a picture of that you know but I mean it’s just like little things like that i’m like “Okay well there’s
13:12
they’re still here.” Whether I want to believe it or not I I still believe that he’s around i think he’s watching his I
13:19
think he’s watching his sister because she’s accidentrone and knock on wood we have no broken bones or you know good
13:27
good um but yeah I think it’s a way of him telling me he’s still around or I believe it is yeah i just wanted to
13:35
bring up now more specifically the book Mama You don’t Heal holding it up for people to see um what did you what do
13:43
you want other parents to know that find themselves having lost a child what
13:49
would you say what would you say that you’ve learned and the biggest thing is that if you could have known it in advance if that’s possible how to handle
13:56
it you’re okay number one is you’re not alone that that’s the biggest thing i
14:02
thought I was the only person going through child loss and no one would understand and although like child loss
14:08
it’s different for every person obviously I lost my son when he was two two three three two three months and 25
14:15
26 days but we’re all the same we’re all going to feel the same it just depends
14:21
on where they were at in life whether you have more memories or not um so I want them to know that they’re they’re
14:27
not alone and that that you can get through it it’s not going to be easy but you you can get through it you can laugh
14:34
again um I remember at one time I felt wrong for laughing and I actually mentioned that in the book i felt wrong
14:40
because I was sitting in work because I went back way too early and I was sitting in work and one of the guys I
14:45
was working with was trying to make me laugh he made me laugh and then I was like I shouldn’t be laughing you know i
14:51
don’t think I should be laughing um but it’s okay it’s okay to laugh again and
14:57
it’s okay to do things but you got to remember that you’re never going to go back to the person you were um it’s just
15:05
a change in you but that doesn’t have to be a bad change like for me I like to think that I’m a better person now than
15:12
I was before one thing I also say to say to women um grief in general is as long
15:19
as you keep their legacy alive then they’re always going to be with you the only time that your child’s not with you
15:25
is when you try to lock them away and not talk about him anymore another big thing that I tell people yeah I think
15:32
it’s a common thing i’ve spoken with um a few people who’ve lost children and I
15:37
do think it’s a common like I in my experience there’s this a huge part of grief where it really doesn’t make a
15:44
difference who the person was you lost in sense of like who their relationship to you was there’s all this stuff that
15:50
is very common but then there are these little things that are different and I think that one of the things that people
15:56
who’ve lost children go through a bit more than people who’ve lost spouses or siblings or parents is that you’re
16:03
afraid they’re going to be forgotten in some way like you feel the responsibility to I I had a guy on the
16:10
show this is oh god I’m going to say it was sometime last year this guy Chris Cochran whose son Christian died when he
16:16
was I want to say he was 23 i I can’t remember he was he died at 23 was diagnosed he had he was ill for about a
16:21
year and then died and he was like this kid was like the center of the family and in talking to Chris you know he
16:27
wrote a whole book um based on Christian’s life and his and really
16:32
important to him like you with Caleb to make sure that people knew who his son was and how special he was and Yeah and
16:40
I think for every parent out there that’s going through what you’ve gone through it’s like that’s totally normal to feel that way you know yeah and you
16:47
know and another thing you know there’s more people that know Caleb now than
16:54
than are left that knew him and I mean that’s that’s one of the biggest things too is like you can still pass your your
17:01
child’s legacy and past who he was and what they did and how they were in life you can pass it on but you have to keep
17:09
them alive even when they’re not with you physically here mhm so do you have
17:15
at this point any um rituals you do throughout the year to
17:21
um I mean obviously Thanksgiving around not that Thanksgiving falls on the same day every year it does not but
17:26
Thanksgiving is around the time of Caleb’s birthday um is do what do you do
17:32
how do you do now well I most of the time I don’t well his death date and his
17:38
birthday for a while I went out to the his grave um at his birthday and put a
17:43
balloon on there i don’t do that anymore um I take flowers out there around Christmas time um and at Christmas time
17:51
I have a my big thing I do now is I have a memorial tree and it’s a white
17:56
Christmas tree and the topper is um angel wings blue angel wings and I have
18:02
his his Christmas ornaments on there and then I have um Hallmark makes like these
18:09
shell remembrance ornaments and every year I get one of those and I do that
18:15
every year um and then I actually I actually still sleep with one of Caleb’s
18:21
blankets baby blankets i still have that i don’t know if that’s something that you do or not you know like a memorial
18:27
thing but I still have it um and I don’t know i think every day that I talk about
18:32
him every every podcast I do every you know the book and everybody I talk to
18:38
about him about something you know whenever he’s brought up it’s a it’s a memorial to him because he’s being
18:44
remembered i I you I think you hit it on the head head about you don’t want your
18:50
child forgotten you’re so worried that everybody’s going to forget him and um I think every time I talk about them it’s
18:55
kind of a memorial how were those first holidays after
19:00
Caleb died for you holidays can be so brutal for people when they’ve lost anybody and especially like I said I
19:06
can’t imagine what the first Thanksgiving was like especially how did how did you um manage those those first
19:12
few years my whole family kind of just skated through them um the hardest
19:19
holiday was for me because you know Caleb died in March that Mother’s Day
19:25
that was extremely hard because I had just lost him and Caleb was my only child so my big thing was am I even a
19:33
mom am I even a mom anymore and that was the thing that I was struggling with so bad and I can remember going to my
19:40
parents house and doing Mother’s Day with her and she gave me a Mother’s Day card and I remember crying and asking
19:46
her “Am I even a still a mother?” Um so Mother’s Day was really hard just
19:51
because I mean it was so soon and then that next in June was my birthday and
19:58
then you know you start the 4th of July and we always did stuff on Fourth of July and you know Halloween we always
20:04
dressed them up and you know I know that it’s kind of like a blur you know those
20:10
holidays are pretty much a blur we did celebrate them i do remember that um but
20:15
we didn’t have I’m lucky at the time I didn’t have other children i I hate it
20:21
for the parents that lose children that have those other young children that are still there because I can’t imagine how
20:27
hard that is to go through those holidays um it’s just kind of like a blur like you go through the motions
20:34
but um sometimes you cry sometimes you don’t but I guess the biggest one that I
20:39
remember is that Mother’s Day that Mother’s Day I was I say in my book I was a hot mess on my mother’s day you
20:46
know just because I didn’t I was so confused on what I was who am I now well and I’m hoping people told you you are
20:53
still a mother I mean tomorrow I mean just so you know June tomorrow I’m interviewing it’s my my week of
20:59
Collinses tomorrow I’m interviewing a woman named Sheila Collins and she has she lost two children
21:07
and and I mean if you see the the work she’s doing now she you know and what she did afterwards and and what she’s
21:13
doing now obviously still a mom you know you’re still a mom of course you are oh yeah it took a long time though you know
21:21
I just I I struggled with that for a while and and how I changed that you know I struggled with it and I can
21:28
remember someone asked me if I had kids because I was still young you know i was in my early 30s you know and people were
21:35
like “Do well do you have kids?” Cuz that’s like the normal question you ask someone that age and when you’ve had a loss it’s not a straight up answer it’s
21:42
like yeah so I told him “No I didn’t have any kids.” And that killed me when
21:49
I said that because I was like I don’t want to deal with it and I said no and
21:55
that changed my view on it i was like you know what i still am a mom and then obviously from times after that it was
22:02
yeah I have a son um who’s in who’s an angel i would say that i didn’t say heaven um I said um I have a son who I
22:10
have an angel son he would have been whatever age he was at the time um now I
22:17
now now I’ve been doing it so long i’m just like you know yeah I have I have a
22:22
son who was born in 2019 he’s an you know he’s an angel and then I have a
22:28
daughter you know i wish I knew you then June because I would have say say whatever you want to
22:34
get I mean it’s between you and you say whatever you want you need to get through the day you know what I mean because when we run into people when
22:40
we’ve had losses like some people you know ask you how you’re doing and what’s going on or they ask you about stuff
22:46
about yourself and some people you feel like oh I can open up to this person and
22:51
go but other people you don’t want to sometimes you just don’t want to you just maybe you’re you’re just trying to
22:57
get through the day or maybe it’s that person’s vibe and you don’t want to have to ex to explain so it’s okay whatever
23:04
you want to do yeah i mean obviously years later you know yeah I claim it and
23:10
you know now I’m fine with it but then back then I mean I just I did not know i
23:15
did not know what I I didn’t know what I was yeah I completely understand um one
23:22
other thing I wanted to ask you you had written in your book that no one matters but your angel child this was a piece of
23:28
advice you gave to moms can you just elaborate on that a little bit more yeah
23:35
i I guess for me what that means is no one matters except your angel child that means that you do what you want to do
23:43
you honor your child the way you want to honor your child you live your life the way you want to live it um you’re always
23:49
going to get the naysayers that say you know oh why is she so happy or why how
23:55
can she live with with that or how can she you know she he you know you’re
24:00
always going to get the naysayers so just just live for your child live for
24:05
how they would want you to be um and I know that’s hard to actually believe and think at first of how they would want
24:12
you to be happy again but live for them and yourself not for anybody else and I
24:18
say the naysayers yeah you know in terms of the naysayers like how do you think people could better support like parents
24:25
who’ve lost children like what could you have used in terms of support or when
24:30
when it happened to you um like I mean just let me just let me just let me just
24:36
inter opport you and just say you know June in general we’re pretty bad at grief you know what
24:43
I mean people are we’re kind of we’re kind of not great with handling the whole thing so I think it’s it might be
24:48
even especially acute with with parents so anyway but please I interrupt yeah so
24:53
um for me um and I’m sure it’s for a lot of parents that have lost children that
24:59
I’ve talked to i’ve talked to some it’s not what you say it’s just being there
25:04
um I you know you’re going to get off-the-wall stuff like you’ll get you can have more children i got “Well you
25:10
couldn’t have lived like that for the rest of your life because my son was special needs.” You’re going to get that
25:16
you know well you know there’s always the next one or oh you have more children you’re always going to get something like that because people don’t
25:22
know what to say sometimes it’s not what you say it’s just being there and I can
25:28
remember um Caleb’s doctor one of Caleb’s doctor his pediatrician he came to Caleb’s funeral
25:36
or viewing and um all he said to me was “Are you okay?” And I said “No.” And I
25:41
just I just cried with him um and that’s all he said and I remembered that to
25:47
this day and he he hugged me or whatever and then I went outside and I sat on a bench and one of my older cousins came
25:54
and sat down with me and he was quiet for a while and he said “No parent
25:59
should ever have to go through this.” And that’s all he said and it was just the point that he sat there and that he
26:05
was there with me so sometimes it’s not bringing the food talking to somebody um
26:11
or what to say it’s just being there to sit in silence with the person um yeah
26:17
listen listen if they want to tell stories but a lot a lot of times you don’t want to tell stories but sometimes
26:22
they will and they’ll tell about the good times and it’s just listening yeah yeah it is a thing we have that goes on
26:28
though where people try to come up and explain it to you like you know like you
26:35
were saying you know um but yeah but I mean you’ve also hit that point of grace where you realize that it comes from a
26:40
place where people just they don’t know what to say so they say the wrong thing oh yeah yeah yeah and and people don’t
26:47
know how I mean and I I I talk about this in the book too is like it’s out of
26:53
the life cycle you know we’re taught that you’re born you go through your toddler and teenage years and then young
26:58
adult and middle age older and then you you pass away and when you take that
27:04
piece out of that that cycle that we’re used to seeing people don’t know how to react and that’s okay too you know I
27:11
mean it’s just not the norm mhm yeah okay June so I am going to ask you
27:18
my lightning round of questions now okay so what does a well-lived life look like
27:24
to you it looks like me having purpose i think that’s the biggest thing is having
27:30
purpose no matter what I do being thankful for every day that that that
27:35
would be my my purpose purpose I guess purpose is the big thing and just living
27:41
happily each day or living as happily as I can each day um not that I’m miserable
27:46
but everybody has bad days so um you know we’re not all happy all the time but um just being happy and having fun
27:55
that would be it yeah what do you suspect is the true nature of reality
28:01
i I say this to a lot of people is that we’re guaranteed life we’re not
28:07
guaranteed life every single day and we’re not guaranteed that life is going to be easy we’re never promised that
28:13
life is supposed to be easy and I think that we all go through these things in life to make us stronger and to make us
28:22
a better person um there’s so many different things that um going through things like this and it could be grief
28:29
it could be some kind of trauma it could be not getting that job not being you know living up to your abilities of what
28:36
you want to do or whatever and um I think that’s what it is
28:42
when you die what do you hope to find or have answered
28:49
so this kind of goes back to Caleb so I thought it might yeah it
28:55
actually does but um I I want the biggest thing when I was going through
29:02
my grief one of the big things that I was going through is like what stopped with Caleb like he had so many issues um
29:10
did his brain stop working did his heart stop did his lungs stop working what
29:15
happened i guess um that’s like one of the biggest things that I want answered i don’t dwell on it anymore but I I I
29:23
really want that answered i I really want that answered um I guess
29:29
that’s that’s the biggest thing I I really I really want to know does that is that part of I mean everybody goes
29:36
through some guilt and I should have and what happened and wishing they had more you know an ability to do something
29:42
because the one thing as I was saying to you earlier that there are things across grief no matter who you’ve lost that are
29:47
common and one of them is the powerlessness we all feel no matter who you’ve lost it puts you right in that
29:54
spot where you can’t change the outcome so do you think that that question is part of that that little piece for you
30:01
where if you knew something yeah like I for a long time I used to go through
30:07
that day over and over again and the day before and you know he had just went to Shans in Gainesville Florida um that’s
30:15
where his specialist doctors were and he got a clear bill of health and I’m just like where why should I why didn’t I see
30:23
this why didn’t I notice something why didn’t you know I think it it has to go back to the wise like well if I was up
30:31
at you know if I would have woke up I could have you know done CPR faster and he would have been all right or I could
30:37
have seen that he was struggling you know why was we did shift what I call shift work and so he would he would wake
30:46
up with Caleb and I would sleep and then it would be vice versa we would switch like that and you know I’m like god what
30:51
if what if I was you know on shift that I you know would would I have been able to save him and I I think I think
30:58
everybody does because we all we all go back to like I should have known because of this you know and the whole thing is
31:04
is like we’re just we’re just judging we’re just judging ourselves you know um
31:09
I think everything happens in its own time yeah yeah and we don’t always have the power i mean literally you know
31:16
you’re sometimes Yeah people lose people who aren’t even in the state you know
31:22
like that they’re in so it it’s it’s diff that’s the tough part so where can
31:27
people find you and the work you’re doing and get a copy of your book okay
31:33
yeah so um obviously my my book is on Amazon um that’s the easiest place to
31:38
tell people if you type in the name of it you can find it at a whole bunch of different places but um definitely on
31:44
Amazon you can find it but Walmart Target Barnes & Noble um and then I have
31:50
a group on Facebook um where I think it’s 1,700 women are in that group right
31:56
now they’re all moms that have lost one or more children um and that that Facebook group it’s private it’s just a
32:03
bunch of moms talking about their child loss and helping each other out um that is um women surviving child loss and
32:11
again that’s on Facebook and then um I have Tik Tok and
32:18
Instagram and I have a Facebook business page under author June
32:24
i’ll link to all that on the episode page yeah um any of those platform forms if you if you message me I message back
32:32
um some moms just have like a few questions they want to ask or hey this is what I’m feeling what do you think
32:38
you know and we just throw around ideas they don’t feel comfortable putting it in the group and um so I’ll talk to them
32:45
privately um some realms I’ve gotten on a phone with if they’re having a really bad time so um any of those platforms um
32:53
I answer all the messages that’s terrific that’s Yeah I was speaking with um somebody on another
32:59
podcast with that’s um deals with our like cancer and he’s written a book and
33:04
he’s put his phone number in the book and he’s talked for people from all around the world like just I mean not
33:10
not regularly it sounds like it’s like kind of at you know somewhat sporadically like he’s involved with stuff but those connections sometimes
33:17
you know make a difference and I know it makes a difference for the people offering the connection so I hope you’re
33:22
getting that that same kind of it’s a different view you know um I think one
33:28
of the big things in child loss is you view it one way but when you hear the views of the same thing from another mom
33:37
you might see it differently m and um that’s where the group was started which
33:42
is really weird because I’m an introvert and I didn’t wouldn’t do group sessions myself but um I I did it for the other
33:49
moms and it’s it’s really good though because you see things from a different perspective
33:55
so um I I like that part of it i mean one good thing June that’s come
34:01
out of this not not saying that there’s a lot but you know that you’re not as
34:06
introverted as you were well you know I’m still I’m still you
34:12
know I’m I’m still introverted but um the best thing of it is is Caleb’s
34:17
legacy lives on um it lives on through everything you know um and and the women
34:25
that are in the group that that I have too is their children live on yeah it
34:30
lives on in every conversation you all have together so yeah definitely so any
34:36
final thoughts for the listening audience today just a I I always tell people and it’s
34:43
one of the things I say usually at the end is you know your child’s legacy began the day that they died and to keep
34:51
your child’s legacy alive although it’s going to it’s going to be hard it’s it’s
34:56
it’s going to be one of the hardest things that you’ll ever have to deal with but you’ll feel better getting past
35:03
the first stages of it and keeping their legacy alive because there’s still a piece of you and and obviously you’re a
35:10
lot stronger than you think you can can be and you you’ll get through it you’ll get through it it’s gonna be hard but
35:16
you’ll get through it if you want to that’s true there is a point of some of
35:22
these journeys where it’s like you where you have the where the juncture is you have to make the decision you know do
35:29
you want to do you want to take the next step forward you know so very important June thanks so much for sharing your
35:36
story and being on the show and giving me your time I really appreciate it you’re welcome you’re welcome I
35:41
appreciate you having me thanks for watching click to join us on another journey and don’t forget to
35:48
subscribe

SHARE THIS EPISODE

More About Our Guest

Transcript